“So… what you’re saying is, I haven’t graduated yet?” Joseph crossed his arms, making sure not to crumple the sheet of paper – his clearance – that he was holding with his left hand.

“No, Mr. Ito.” An elderly woman replied behind the counter, maintaining eye contact and a soft voice to lessen the blow of reality.

“Even though I finished all my units earlier than usual?”

“I’m afraid not.”

“So I have to wait until the march before I’m officially a graduate?”

“Yes.”

“When is that again?”

“Several months from now.”

“Cool, so can I get my diploma after the march?”

“No, you’ll only get the sleeve for the diploma on the ceremony.”

“So when do I get my diploma?”

“Next year.”

“What if I need something to prove I’ve graduated?” Joseph scratched his head.

“Several other things,” the woman swivelled out of the counter and back to her desk, and immediately began tapping on the keyboard, “your Certificate of GWA, Transcript of Records, among other things.”

“How long would you have to process that?”

“Two months.”

“Two months?!” Joseph’s outburst caused several pairs of judging eyes to stare at him. It took him a second to notice the commotion he caused with his shouting and took a deep breath. “Sorry.”

“Well,” the old lady continued typing. Joseph peeked over to her monitor and it did not seem like it was related to his queries, “we have to contact the main campus to sort of update their records of all the students over there, and there are queues within that so-“

Joseph’s eyes blanked out, and he continued to nod just to not be rude. The bobbing of his head looked like he understood every word, but really every word just passed through him. He finished off his ‘I understood everything’ act by smiling, but it was less ‘that’s great, thank you for being patient with me’ and more ‘I did not process any of the words that came out of your mouth.’

“So yes, come back in a few months and everything should be settled.” The old lady smiled.

“Won’t it be two?”

“Usually it takes longer than that. Even a year.”

“Thank you.” Joseph smiled and bowed before taking his leave, hiding the pain of waiting for possibly a year. He closed the door behind him and sighed.

“What a shame.” Joseph put his clearance onto his bag and smooshed it in between two of his textbooks. 

‘I had everything planned out too! I was going to get my diploma and–‘

And then it hit him.

He has not planned anything after graduation AT ALL. He thought he had his entire life figured out through his fifties. Turns out ‘I’m gonna do this and that, and then finally that’ does not constitute a plan. He certainly had the spirit, but none of the substance.

Joseph sighed. Again. If he was not in turmoil before, the depth of his breath certainly made it apparent to him. Joseph checked the time. 1:15 P.M.

‘Ah, I guess it’s almost time.’ Joseph perked himself up by jumping a few times to perk himself up and jumped off into a running gait after the eighth hop. A few corridors and turns later, he found himself in front of the Guidance Counselor’s office - where he needed to be. The door was welcoming as it was never closed during office hours so he just let himself in.

“Excuse me,” Joseph darted his eyes in order to find the receptionist, “I’m the 1:30 appointment.”

The receptionist greeted Joseph with a smile and took a look at the sign-up sheet.

“Mr. Ito from Fine Arts?”

Joseph nodded.

“With Ms. Julie?”

Joseph nodded again.

“Alright, take a seat and she’ll be ready for you. She currently has a client right now.”

“Thank you!” Joseph plopped himself on the couch besides the reception desk. He could never really get used to the twilly, raggedy, and pilly fabric of the cushions. What was more vexing to him was that it was extremely soft, so every hug he gave to the cushion was a battle between its inviting comfort and appalling texture. Joseph took out his phone and began a mindless scroll through whatever he felt like seeing.

“Thank you again ma’am.” The door opened with a bit of a screech and with it came out a girl, sniffling back a few drops of her snot, wiping away some moisture from her eyes, wearing a relieved expression all the while.

‘Guess she was enlightened,’ Joseph stood up and stretched, shaking off whatever tension he had left and waited for the cue of the counselor.

“Next is,” a middle-aged woman peeked out of the door while holding a few sheets of paper, looking up after a few seconds of staring, “Oh, Mr. Joseph!”

“Hi!” Joseph waved.

“Come on in,” the counselor beckoned Joseph inside, “Can’t wait to hear what you have for me.”

And he did exactly that. He took a seat on the familiar, bright-yellow corduroy couch beside Julie’s desk. Joseph followed the counselor with his eyes until she sat herself down on a black, leather executive chair, which had some bits of foam poking out of the slightly open seams. He swore that it was more damaged than it was now, but that was besides the point. His eyes drifted to the sheets of paper she was writing on with blue ink.

March 20xx, 1:30 P.M.

“So, how’re your academics going?” Julie laid the pen down over the paper and crossed her hands over her lap.

“Actually finished all of my units.” Joseph said, toning down the bragging.

“Everything?!” The counselor clapped for Joseph, “Congratulations, you’re graduating!”

Joseph could only smile.

“Have you decided what you wanted to do after that though?”

Joseph let out soft laughter. “Actually, about that,” Joseph clasped his hands together, “I have no clue.”

“Oh?” Julie picked up the pen and wrote something on the sheets of paper.

Ito has no clue how to proceed with his life.

“That’s a bit harsh isn’t it?” Joseph said, peeking over the lady’s handwriting.

“How do you feel about not knowing what to do though?”

Joseph took a few seconds to ponder about how this made him feel. A minute later and he could not think of a single thing to say.

“Helpless, I guess?” He arrived at the conclusion.

“Naturally, but what do you want to do about it though? Taking a break until you figure it out?”

“I don’t want to laze around though.” Joseph looked at the floor.

“Mm, do you still feel the same way about your parents?”

“Even more than I do now, since I’m graduating with a degree they don’t want me to have.”

“I see,” The counselor marked Joseph’s feelings onto the sheet of paper, “You still haven’t gotten around telling them?”

“I don’t think I can. They really believe Fine Arts is useless.”

“And you still disagree with that, I assume?”

“Of course! That’s a really fucked up reason too!”

“Oh my.”

“Sorry, but you get what I mean?”

Joseph calmed down after his tiny bit of rage and let himself sink down on the couch, without even noticing that he was leaning forward. He had nothing left he wanted to say and just stared at the counselor jotting down her notes for the session. Once she was, done, the counselor parroted back what Joseph just said, and Joseph nodded along every punctuation in her speech.

“Did I get everything right?”

“More or less, yeah.”

“Now, since you have a degree in Fine Arts, I actually know someone who makes a ton of profit on commissions on large art pieces. Have you considered the same thing throughout your stay here?”

“I have.”

“You actually don’t need a diploma for that. A portfolio will be a just as valuable substitute, especially for an artist such as yourself.”

“I don’t have one.”

“What?”

“The professors don’t really return any work back to us and is kind of sent into a backroom of art pieces for future exhibitions.”

“I see,” Julie made a note on her desk calendar.

Talk to the Fine Arts department on reconsidering their system.

“But even then,” Julie continued, “you can start building your portfolio right now.”

“Yeah, I guess. But I still want my diploma.”

“Why?”

“So I can have something to prove that I’ve done something.”

“But you can do that yourself.”

“But I -” Joseph stopped himself mid-sentence at the realization.

For once in his life, he wanted recognition and approval that he has done something great with his life. Joseph sat back down and pinched the bridge of his nose and tried to stop his tears, yet no matter how much pressure he exerted they managed to slip through.

The counselor slid a box of tissues right next to the young man and gave him a moment to collect his thoughts.

All this time...

Everything he has done,

Was to impress and gain the recognition of people. His peers. His parents.

Several minutes and eight sheets of facial tissues later, Joseph felt his composure come back, and sighed a deep breath of relief.

“Do you feel better?” The counselor smiled.

“Tons.” Joseph’s cheerful demeanor came back, albeit accompanied with the redness of the face. “I think… I’m gonna think some more.”

“About what?”

“What I want in life. I just realized I haven’t really done things for myself and it’s more for other people.”

“Did you realize that you didn’ like helping people?”

“Oh no no no,” Joseph shook his head frantically, “I love helping people, but I guess it’s taken so much time that I haven’t really taken the time to think about myself, I guess.”

The counselor smiled, “You’re a good person, Joseph.”

Joseph let out a chuckle

“But my question still remains,” the counselor brought the pen to her lips, “What do you want to do?”

“I’m just gonna wing it.” Joseph shrugged.

“That’s good too!” Julie laughed along with Joseph.

“I should be going though,” Joseph stood up and lift up his bag by the shoulder strap, “It’s almost 2PM.”

“It’s for the best too, I have a client at 2 as well.”

Joseph giggled, his eyes taking one last look at the sheets of paper before leaving, hoping to sneak a peek of the counselor’s notes. Unfortunately for him, it was turned over. Instead, what he got a look at was a picture of himself four years ago - when he was just a freshman. His face was more or less the same - a bit chubbier, but still noticeably thinner than most. He was sporting a ¾ haircut and it was as black as it could be. Most of the text was blurry since he was standing up but, he managed to make his course visible enough to be seen.

Bachelor’s Degree in Technology - Engineering Department

He closed his eyes and smiled at the difference - polar opposites even.

“Thank you so much!” Joseph bowed and headed towards the door with a smile.

“Oh before you leave,” the counselor caught his attention, “Just because students have graduated, doesn’t mean they’re not welcomed back in my office.”

Joseph smiled, trying his best to seem as hopeful as he could, “I’ll keep that in mind.”