Sitting below the waterfall, in lotus position, I allowed the falling water wash  my shoulders and back. 

Only my face was not covered by the cold heavy flow coming from above. My wet hair was being pressed down forming threads. Some of those threads stuck to my cheeks.

My body was absorbing the blue mana that emanated from the place.

With my eyes wide shut and my weight resting in a big rock, I could hear the thundering sound of the surrounding stream.

That loud sound of the waterfall was like listening to mother Nature singing. And the combined rhythmic pressure of the water against me was like having nape, shoulders, the top of my back and arms massaged by thousands of invisible fingers.

It had a calming and relaxing effect.

The constant movement of the cold water made all the pain go away and filled my body with renewed energy.

It was an amazing sensation of peace and serenity.

Knowing that you were knocked out by almost eight hours, since the encounter with the menacing green creature, would make anyone feel bitter.

Me, for being a total control freak, would not feel different.

Yet, to find myself lost in an unconscious battle against my own fears, to the point of losing it, served to freed my mind and clear my thoughts.

While I was fighting to survive my wounds and the lack of vital energy, my subconsciousness remained very active. Sending messages to myself in my dreams.

A warning that made me realize that, even before our arrival to the school grounds, I had been divided.

Part of me was trying to solve the case, to the point of boasting about it. But, at the same time, another part was sabotaging the first one. Making me lose focus on the case and do silly mistakes.

Unable to see below the surface of what was happening.

Underestimating my adversaries.

A lot was going on inside my mind before the attack, as if my own personality was being split in two, like my partner.

All because I was too worried.

I was struggling to deny my true feelings about Vol and her alter ego.

For some time, I was ok with how we lived together. All the limitations to our relationship that our forbidden love implied, and the rules that we had to obey. Grotheske was always treated by me as a nuisance. As nothing more than a collateral effect of the spell. But the dream showed me Voluptia sharing her mind with that second persona. A persona she created to be her guardian. A big sister that she could count on. The kind of sister, so protective, that takes a blow in your place when someone mistreats her sibling.

There was a lot that I didn't know about my partner.

Being introduced to the real Grotheske, in the middle of a very difficult and dangerous case, proved to be a real challenge for me. Now, I saw that what she was telling me in the hospital was true.

But that was not the main conclusion that I arrived.

I could see that I didn't rely on Grotheske only because she was powerful enough to fight for me. But, because seeing her in action made me feel proud of her and loved back, in a special way.

And that was happening for some time, much before this case and the spell in the clearing. Like when I inadvertently freed Grotheske by making out with Vol, or when I used her help during a case.

What I didn’t know was that I had always been in love with both Voluptia and Grotheske.

This case only put the three of us face to face.

And they knew about it.

As I reached that point in my thoughts, waiting for my body to absorb the blue mana of the waterfall, I heard Vol’s voice, in my mind. She agreed with me:

"That was about time, love. But you must know that this does not change what we are. Much less the rules that we must abide", there was a sweet melancholy in Voluptia's words. But she sounded calm and affectionate.

"Your mother was right all the time, sweetheart...", I replied, my sorrow evident.

"Queen of Hell or not, she is a mother after all.", she said.

Lilith was against our binding, since the beginning. She made that clear to us when we asked for her help to suppress Vol's needs.

"That kind of love is forbidden. A mortal cannot survive by loving a succubus. You are defying nature. Are you sure you want to live the rest of your life afraid of yourself? Are you strong enough to let others control how you live? To endure great sorrow, not only for you but for the ones you care about? Are you ready to sacrifice yourself for this illusion of life?", those were her words at the time. I was too scared being in the presence of the first woman of the creation to understand what she meant.

She was not talking about her daughter like I thought; it was a gentle warning directed to both of us. Her catlike eyes were looking straight to me when she spoke.

"We have a renewed purpose now, one that includes Grotheske, this time. Do you think she will be OK with this?", I asked interrupting my thoughts.

"Are you ready to let the past go and embrace this with us? With both of us?", she asked in return.

"To be honest I am not ready. And I will admit that this is not right. Damn it, it is not even fair. I will find a way for us. Even if I take the rest of my life searching for it. There must be a way to make this work. Without sacrificing more of your lives in the process. What is her decision, would she accept how things are and remain bound by the amulet?"

I was sure that, in her own way, Grotheske loved me.

"Is she willing to do the same sacrifices that we did?"

"Cupcake, she has always been the one that sacrificed the most for her loved ones." it was clear in those words how much Voluptia loved her other self, no matter how much she denied that in the past. "Why do you think she chooses to materialize in front of you in demon form, instead of something attractive? Something that would please your eyes? Why did she ask us to call her, Grotheske? A name that she chooses to impose fear and despise. She wanted you to dislike her. That was her choice to diminish our suffering. She didn't want to be loved in return. It would be a lot easier for her, and for me if you hated her."

I saw what those words meant.

"She was never a monster." I said, thinking about our past together and the people that she ended up hurting, "She wanted to be seen as a monster. So, she behaved like one. She could have killed me, and yet, she didn't. She took me to the doctor, instead. She was free from the spell. She could do anything that she wanted. But, she didn't hurt anyone after what she did to me. She even allowed you to bind her again."

I misjudged her. She was fighting against her true nature, because of me.

And had always been.

“Vol, she could have killed my father and yet, she didn't. It is clear to me now. My god, can you see? There is hope for the three of us.”

I had a final question that I needed to ask Vol.

The image of my journey inside her mind was still alive. This time, I shared with her what I experienced.

She muted for a few minutes, thinking about what I showed her. Then she broke her mental silence and explained to me the real meaning of that memory.

"What you saw was the truth. I had no form. I was never like my sisters. For a succubus to gain physical form, we need to be summoned and make a contract with a mortal. It is the mortal's wish that gives form to our shapeless existence. We materialize for them in a shape that ignites their desire. And then we are given a name", she sounded upset by sharing those memories with me.

I understood why Voluptia got angry.

By the point of view of a succubus, Hell's nobility, what I saw must have been humiliating.

“I am sorry. I never meant to invade your thoughts without consent. I don't know how our memories got entangled like this”, I was being sincere. I hated to see her like that.

“It is okay”, she acquiesced, “It was no one's fault, cupcake. We shared a mind link for too long. It is normal that the boundaries between our minds weaken when we are not in control.”

That made me feel better.

“However, our issues will have to wait. We can not allow ourselves to lose focus on this case anymore. Not when hundreds of lives are at stake. Vol I will need both you and Grotheske with me if we intend to save those people here. They are counting on us.”

She agreed, our personal issues would have to wait. We needed focus and not be bothered by our feelings or whatever secrets they held so far.

About me, It was about time to pull myself together and fast.

As my dream implied a lot of lives depended on that.

Failing was not an option.

Time was escaping through my fingers, I didn't have the luxury of being careless.

A lot could have happened in eight hours, and I was afraid it did.

After all, that time I was not dealing with some stupid vile supernatural entity.

I was facing the worst kind of adversary: a human believing they were better than the rest of the world.

My purpose renewed. And with it my objectives became pretty clear.

 I focused mind and soul, preparing myself for the inevitable battle ahead of us.

But, I knew that I was not alone.

 I had all my friends to support me.

It was time for the detective to rise again.