Heartbroken but determined, a man dreams of adventures in foreign lands, slaying demons and monsters with my closest companions. And yet, much like the rest of events told within the annals of these pages, that pain would not subside. But what would come of it would be something beautiful that would echo throughout the rest of his life, forevermore and be one of the first steps to writing this book for you. 

The day of the LAN party had come. I've taken off work, haven't been able to go in for days. My stomach is churning, burning, and I am unable to sit still. These were not to do with any sort of sickness, instead they were fight-or-flight symptoms due to wanting to be with my ex, but not being able to at the same time. The only thing that was on my mind was escaping from that pain, even for a few moments. 

I was fortunate (or so I thought) that the person organizing this LAN party was one of my closest friends to help me get over my breakup. Get on your huggies guys and girls because what follows next is...rough. 

So there I am, the wires of my computer packed into a bag, my computer ready for transport, and my monitor by the door ready to go into my car when I get a buzz on my phone. 

What could it be?

I had a message from my ex, Ms. R. "Hey, I just want to tell you that I'm going to be going to the LAN party."

So you know that LAN party that had been organized specifically to help me get over a breakup and try to get into a more healthy mental place by a guy I thought was one of my closest friends? Yeah...that wasn't a thing. 

Mr. J had invited her to the LAN party. Not only was she invited, he personally called her himself and asked her to come. And then, magically neglected to tell me. 

It gets worse. He simply neglected to tell me. As if telling the guy who you are throwing the LAN party for's ex girlfriend who shattered his heart into pieces was coming to an event he was going to attend was an afterthought. 

Those thoughts came later. But here, in this moment he was not on my mind. She was. Imagine all those bottled up emotions swishing and swirling around in your heart, just aching to get out and create a tidal wave of emotion. 

That was how I felt. But I have a weird habit when I deal with the pain...I don't let it affect me during the moment. Here was my actual thought process: 

Hey if you want to see her, you'll have to be around her eventually right?

So, I make the decision to go.

So, I tapped out a quick message to her. "Okay, I might not talk with you much, but I'm still going to go. Thank you for letting me know."

And then she said a few words that to this day I remember causing intense burning pain.

"I'll be bringing a friend."

"Like a friend, or is it a date?"

"It's a date."

My friend, who had setup a LAN party specifically with the intent to help me through my break-up had invited my ex-girlfriend who was bringing a date one and a half months after our break-up. In addition, he did not tell me that she was invited, nor that she was bringing someone she was romantically involved with, with her. Instead, I got this lovely surprised not two hours before the event I had been looking forward to for weeks.

To say I was devastated is a complete understatement and if I were to be honest, it was potentially one of the worst nights of my life. I didn't sleep that night. I didn't eat for days afterward. Questions bounced around in my mind left and right.

Was it serious?

What did he have that I didn't?

Blah blah blah blah...

I'm sure you get the picture...

And, trying to figure out what was going on with absolutely no way to actually figure that out was well beyond any way I could comprehend that I knew less once I started thinking about it than what I knew when I

In that particularly wonderous moment of shame, pain, anger, and...god knows what else...I made the executive decision without board approval to simply not go. Damn the stock prices, it wasn't worth the sacrifice. 

The next day, once I felt more emotionally secure to be able to talk to the LAN organizer, I sent him a message to explain why I did not attend and What happened next is baffling to me. 

I let him know that I did not appreciate that he invited her in a polite way and then explained why without anger mind you. I even apologize to him.

Not only did he not apologize or try to empathize, but he also went on the attack. He started by shaming me for expressing myself, then told me that I know the rules of his house (which I did not). Everyone was invited to any event he holds, even my ex. 

As much as I understand house rules, it is my personal belief that if you hold an event for someone, asking them what and who they are okay with attending is standard protocol. And in addition, inviting a person's ex girlfriend to a party without notifying them is a direct betrayal of trust. 

Afterward, he promptly blocked me on facebook. We have since...sort of made up. But, I am still not okay with his behavior. Aaaaaaand as a result I recnetly just gave him a piece of my mind (as in yesterday) and blocked him. Now was this mature? Probably not, but I feel goddamn fantastic! 

But now I want to focus on something a bit more specific. 

Let's review interesting phenomena that certain individuals use as a way of transitioning from relationships. This is called "Cushioning".

According to Urban Dictionary (Obviously the most reputable source) cushioning is "A dating technique where along with the main piece you also have several 'cushions', other people you'll chat and flirt with to cushion the potential blow of your main break-up and not leave you alone."

The alternative definition is not accurate to this circumstance, but I do find it drop-dead hilarious, so I have to share. "when your bae uses your booty as a pillow." So apparently that's a thing...with absolutely 0 bearing on the subject of this chapter. (Still hilarious though...don't judge me...judgey mcjudgeyface)

I digress. I believe she had been cushioning this guy for our breakup and once we did breakup, she either had already begun things with him or alternatively. I think that the IT guy was the cushioned guy. Fun fact, they are still together (apparently). I wish them well and hope they have 1000 babies, though once you read the saga of "The Fake Divorce" you'll probably feel sorry for him. (I do, holy snikeys did he not know what he got himself into).

Yeah...but seriously...this dude is legitimately in absolute hell. I'm 100% positive after 6 months he went from cloud 9 to flat out sevent circle of hell...and not the warm and fuzzy hell with drinks with the little umbrellas...oh hell no...there are dictators that get it better than this guy. So, uh, good luck dating beelzebub's second cousin %$#@face. 

But, fate or rather the manipulators and masterminds behind the scenes had other ideas.

and that my friends, is where we end for the day.

Next post, get ready for my thoughts on the fabled dick pic in "To Dick Pic or Not to Dick Pic"

Lesson of the day:

You'll never know why someone decided to break-up with you. No matter how many details you dig into, no matter how great your information network is, it honestly doesn't even matter if you are the worlds best spy; the human mind is the most mysterious and ever winding labyrinth that shall never be fully penetrated by you or anyone else. (Giggity) Don't make the mistake of trying to go down the rabbithole of someone else's mind, because you'll never get out. Instead, take the time to get good with yourself.

One of the earliest lessons I learned after my breakup is that people don't tell you everything before, during, or after a break-up. There are so many things that go on behind the scenes that it is impossible to exactly where things went wrong and why. 

- End of Episode -

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