Later that evening I made my way down the hall to Ellie's room and knocked.
“El, you awake?” I called.
“Its open!”
With one last breath I pushed open her door. Ellie's room was brightly lit up, nameless bands and famous ballet dancers covered her pale pink walls, star shaped fairy lights dangled around her room, her bed was messy with pillows, and her desk wasn't any better- cluttered to the brim with any and everything. Her stereo played her classical music as she spun in the center of her room as she practiced her ballet.
“Are you busy?” I asked poking my head in.
“Oh hey Lumir, I was actually just going to come see you.” She walked over turning down the music, then gestured for me to come in. I crept in and sat on the corner of her bed.
“So what did you need?” She asked.
“Uh just to talk but you can still do what you were doing.”
“Eh it's fine I needed a break anyway.” Grabbing her water bottle she sat on her bed twiddling her ballet shoed feet before loosening the ribbons. She waited but when I didn't speak up she poked her foot to my thigh. “You wanted something?”
“Uh yeah…”
“And it was?”
Now that I sat here the words wouldn't come out. I groaned covering my face.
“Lumir you okay? Does something hurt?”
“Nothing's wrong I just wanted to tell you something but now that I'm sitting here I can't work up the courage I had a few minutes ago.”
“What did you need courage-” She stopped eyes going wide as a big grin split her face. “G-go ahead take your time, Lumir I won't judge you.”
Her reaction confirmed my thoughts so with a weak sigh I spoke.
“I'm gay.”
She blinked probably not expecting my blunt response but I didn't want to beat around the bush anymore.
But then she was grinning- jumping from her spot to pin me in a tight hug.
The squeal she let off in my ears dazed me as I hugged her back.
“E-Ellie, calm down.”
She backed away. “Sorry, sorry go on.”
“Well…” I rubbed my arm. “That was kinda it. I realized it today or rather I always knew but now I'm starting to accept it.”
“I'm happy for you! You should own it.” She grinned. “So if you don't mind what- or rather maybe who brought this on?”
A betraying blush filled my face. I dropped my gaze not meeting her knowing one. She didn't need to know exactly who.
“A talk I had with Steven and Lars.” I said instead. Which was also true, so no lie there- win win!
“Wait, the librarians at school?”
“Yeah outside of them you're the only other person that knows.”
“You told the school librarians before us?” She asked.
I frowned. “It wasn't a choice, Ellie. M.A.D. followed after me on the first day during my free period. And after getting beat up that morning mind you. I panicked and hid. And they both saw and started asking questions so I just started talking. It wasn't on purpose. Sorry.”
“No, no. I should be apologizing. I didn't mean it like that, you're allowed to tell or not tell whoever you want. I shouldn't have acted that way, sorry.”
We hugged it out and I went on. “But that's the thing. After I told them I… well you might have noticed that I wasn't acting-”
“Like yourself? Yeah we all noticed. At first we thought it was the fights but you still seemed so out of it. Then you took over for, Amanda while she's on leave and it got worse. So it was this the whole time?”
“I guess so.” I peeked over at her. “You know you're acting really… mellow about this. Did you- did you already know?”
She smiled. “I'm your older sister by literal minutes, it's my job to watch and take care of you. So yes, I knew. That and I also have something to share that I was about to come and see you for. Bad timing on my part but yeah.”
I gave her my full attention as she took a deep breath and let it out.
“I'm Bi.”
My mouth fall open to an ‘o’. “What really? Ellie, that's awesome! Wow- I mean just wow. How long have you known? Am I the first person you told? What are the chances of two siblings being gay? That are twins? I-”
“Bro.” She whined with a smile.
I quickly covered my mouth. “Go on.”
“I've known for awhile not as long as you- I think- but awhile. You are the first person and I have no idea the chances, you can do a study if you want. But I wasn't expecting you to tell me first. I was going to tell you so you had someone with you in this- I mean you still do but yeah.” She messed with her bottle again watching the water slosh back and forth. “So what's the game plan now?”
“Game plan?”
“Yeah you told me first so are you going to tell Mom and Dad first or do I go first then you? Wait were you even going to tell them?”
“I mean eventually…”
“What's scaring you?”
“Nothing.”
“Lumi.”
“I guess... disappointing them?”
She took my hand. “You won't disappoint them. You know that.”
“I know but what if they change after we tell them? I've read a lot of things like that happening and it scares me but now that it's both of us I'm terrified. Even our friends could change, Ellie. And I don't want that, I like things the way they are.”
“True I like how things are too but I'd rather be upfront with everyone then hide my true self. You know everyone will be accepting and you'll feel better about everything.”
She was right. I knew I was nervous and this wasn't helping my overreacting brain.
“Isn't it too soon to tell people? I just accepted it.” I asked.
“It's not too early or too late, this is your choice. What do you want to do?”
What did I want?
Well that was easy. I wanted to be accepted and honest with my friends and family. With myself.
“I'll tell them tomorrow.” I said feeling proud.
She smiled. “Don't forget the rules.”
“Phffft how could I?” Standing I felt a wave of stress roll off me. “Thanks, Ellie, like really thank you. And tell me when you want to come out, I'll help anyway I can.”
She ruffled my hair. “You're too sweet.”
I snorted. Step one complete now on to step two....
***
The next night my whole family sat down eating Mom's chicken Alfredo pasta.
Mom was talking adamantly to Dad about some show she watched about fungi and how she wanted to add some to the shop. Ellie was tapping away at her phone casting me glances the whole time because she knew. Me, I was waiting trying to calm my racing heart for what I was about to do.
Dad glanced up from his food. “You okay, kiddo?”
Mom turned too. “Stomach ache?”
“No I-” I gave a quick glance to Ellie, who smiled. “I made dessert.” I finished.
“Oh,” Dad exclaimed confused. “Bring it out.”
I went to retrieve the dessert I made after I finished the cakes for the Shop earlier. I placed it on the table with shaky clammy hands.
My parents looked at the plate of strawberry cookies with knowing looks before they faced me, patiently waiting.
I looked at my family bracing as I took a deep breath.
“Mom, Dad, Ellie. I have something to share.”
My parents took each other's hand. “Go on, we're listening.”
Another deep breath I blurted it out.
“I'm gay. W-which means I like m-men.” I ducked my head waiting.
This was it, I told them and now they'd say they didn't want anything thing to-
Clapping?
I looked up to see Dad clapping and nothing but smiles. Then one by one they stood and hugged me tight.
Tears poured down my cheeks, my legs trembled.
“You're not mad? You're not going to kick me out?”
Dad shivered shaking his head. “No! Goodness, Lumir we'd never do that to you, you're our son- our family.”
“And we'd never be mad at you for something like this. We're impossibly proud of you.” Mom said pressing kisses to my head, wiping away my tears.
Ellie took my hand in hers. “And don't forget the best part little brother.”
“What?”
She giggled a little shyly looking at our parents who nodded.
“We kinda already knew.”
My parents already… knew. A loud laugh burst from my mouth that had me holding my stomach.
I knew they were looking at me but I couldn't help it. I stressed for no reason for a whole long while and they just knew.
“How long?” I asked when I caught my breath.
Mom spoke first. “Five years.”
“When you never showed any interest in talking about girls and never dated any. So around middle school.” Dad answered.
Ellie smiled. “Come on bro, we share everything I knew and these two came and asked me about… five or so years ago to check. And then we agreed to wait till you told us yourself.” She gently punched my arm. “Took you long enough.” She winked.
Fighting back more tears I pulled them all into a hug and just held them feeling a new wave of acceptance.
When I finally let go, Mom pointed at the plate of cookies.
“Let's pick a movie and eat these.”
We agreed and they headed off to the living room while I watched them as they teased and joked around.
“Something wrong, Sweetling?” Mom asked looking back to me.
“Nothing, I just love you guys.”
And I hugged them all over again.
Now the only thing left was to tell my friends.
***
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