-Lumir-

The sound of paper shuffling echoed loudly in my ears as I closed up the student council meeting.

“Don't forget, next meeting we're discussing Homecoming. So ask around to see what idea's are wanted.”

Varying responses answered me as people left, leaving my friends and sister.

I flopped back in my seat.

“Hey man, you okay? You seem stressed. I know covering for, Amanda is hard but if it's that hard. We can help.” Jamie brought up as he packed up his stuff, watching me.

“It’s fine.” 

But I caught the look Ellie gave Kamila.

The issue wasn’t filling in for Amanda, it was everything else.

It's been two weeks since school started and everything's begun falling into a sort of pattern. Meditation, school, student council, help at the shop, homework, bed, throw in a few beatings from M.A.D., rinse and repeat.

But with everything my thoughts continued to go back to the conversation I had with Steven and Lars. Would it be easier to come out? It was constantly on my mind now.

Did I want to tell my family and friends? Did I want to come out to the whole school? It wasn't like there weren't any LGBTQ+ kids here, but would I fit into their group? Would I be seen differently? I've met some every rude and not very welcoming LGBTQ+ kids over the years. Could I handle it if I joined and met more?

I rubbed my temples with a frustrated sigh. Why was this so hard.

“Bro, are you alright?” Hands brushed my hair from my forehead back behind my ear.

Flinching back from Ellie's touch I nodded. “I'm fine just thinking. Anyway, come on we have to help at the Shop today.”

Standing I gathered all my things and quickly made my way out and straight into a familiar chest.

“We have to stop meeting like this.” Xander said referring to my uncanny ability to run face first into his chest.

It was a very welcoming chest okay!

He chuckled catching my arm stopping me from stumbling back. Righting myself I tried to fight down the heat rising in my cheeks.

And then there was Xander. The other reason my thoughts wouldn't calm down. I just couldn't not think about him. Since the first day of school he's been hanging out with us at lunch and we had became fast friends through classes and hunging out inbetween.

Today Xander was in something that in my opinion fit him better- more natural. A short sleeved green floral patterned shirt that was left open to show off his black undershirt paired with his white shorts for this surprisingly warm day, he even had on flip-flops.

I quickly stepped back, ducking my head. “S-sorry. Again.”

He waved it off. “Where's the fire?”

“Oh um need to get help at flower home.” I blinked then tried again with his tiny smile. “I-I mean I’m- we're helping at the Shop today.”

His face lit up. “Really? On that note could I come by. If that’s alright?”

The heat completely flooded my face and I heard light laughing from behind me. “You can come over but it'll be a bit till you can buy anything pastry related since we have to get ready.” I heard myself say.

He smiled then to my hidden horror filled joy, Ellie spoke up.

“Why don't you come with us? We can all fit in my van?”

He shook his head white hair swaying. “I don't want to intrude.”

Ellie swung her arm around my neck, blackened lips curling upwards. “It's really no problem.”

“Well... alright then, let me just call Kono and let her know.” He pulled out his phone stepping away.

I whirled on my sister pulling her by Jamie and Kamila.

“What are you thinking?” I whispered urgently.

“Relax, don't get you rainbows in a twist. I'm just inviting our friend over.”

Suddenly her words that she always said sounded like a jab to my secret. My words died. Did she really already know, was I already out? 

I felt sick.

“Bro? You good?”

I backed up. “Fine. Thinking.”

Kamila giggled. “Thinking about what? Xander surrounded by flowers? Now that would be a pretty sight.”

I turned to Kamila. Did she know too? 

My head was spinning, heart hammering wildly. They did know! They had to! My stomach lurched. How long have they known? Were they making fun of me, pretending to be my friends? No… No they wouldn't- they weren't like that. Right?

A cold hand rested on my back, my panic somewhat getting back under my control.

“X-Xander?” I whispered focusing on him.

“You alright?” He asked worried.

“I'm-”

“You're not fine, Lumir. Tell us what's up.” Jamie demanded softly stepped up to me.

My friends all looked at me varying degrees of concern on all of their faces.

“I-I just have a lot to think about.” I defended.

They looked at me but thankfully dropped it. With a few worried glances at me we piled into Ellie's van, girls in front, boys in back with me in the middle, between Xander and Jamie it was a snug fit.

As we drove Xander's knee kept bumping mine and I questioned if it was on accident or purpose, regardless it wasn't helping my thoughts.

What would he think when he learned? Would I lose my new friend? Would he think I was gross for crushing on him?

Panic rose again. Why was this so hard? Why couldn't I just open my mouth and accept myself?

I hugged my bag tight to my chest, my panic going unnoticed.

All too soon we were home. We climbed out, Xander at my side with a grin, although his dark gaze was laced with worry as he watched me.

“Well here we are.” I said to him gesturing to the shop.

“I still need to stop by on one of those Sundays you told me about. I'd really like to try one of those cakes you make.”

His words warmed me to my core, chasing away my negative thoughts if just barely.

Suddenly Ellie was standing there her arms looped over both of our shoulders ducking us to her height. How she managed that with how tall Xander was I'd never know.

“Well, Xander luck is on your side, it's Lumir’s day to bake.” She dragged us towards the shop. “You're in for a treat!”

I glared at her. It wasn't my day, it was Mom's and she knew that. She just wanted me to bake for Xander. But why? Her baking was just as good as mine so it probably wasn't to impress him. Maybe she did know I liked him and was trying to help me out? 

Yeah right! I must be dreaming.

I pinched my arm. Nope not dreaming, not a nightmare either.

Once we walked in my Mom was immediately at our side.

“Hi! I don't believe we've met. I'm Lumir and Ellie's mother, Amare Mark.” Mom held out her hand.

Xander shook it. “Xander, nice to meet you ma'am.” He looked around. “This place is beautiful.” He said taking note of all the many flowers that filled the shop like it was the first time he was here though to his credit we did change out the flowers semi weekly.

Mom beamed her ten-kart smile, letting him go to look at a few flowers nearby as she moved to my side.

“Sweetling, I was hoping you wouldn't mind baking today, I have a batch of soap that needs to be finished. A new scent!” She sighed. “Reminds me of Fall.”

“Sounds great, Mom.” I lead Xander over to a table where the sun was nicely coming through- not on purpose or anything- then handed him a menu. “What cake were you interested in trying?”

He looked the menu over. “Whichever is fine.”

“No pick one, this is what we do. We pick two cakes and that's it for the day, see by each cake option it says may or may not be available, you have to ask. We only make other cakes and things for special occasions, birthdays, holidays, and call-in request. So as our guest I'm giving you the option to choose.”

This also gave me the chance to learn what he liked and didn't like. Even if we didn't work out as anything more than friends, I could at least make him a cake some time.

He glanced over the simple yet growing list. His finger running over each title before resting on one. “This one. Pineapple upside down cake. Geez haven't had this in years!”

I blushed at his pure childlike expression.

“R-right away.” I quickly turned and fled into the kitchen. As Ellie and Mom quickly flocked to him as Kamila and Jamie joined in as they got the shop ready to be open. I hope Xander didn't mind my chatty companions.

Counting out my materials for both cakes. Xander's choice and mine- a white chocolate sugar cookie crumble. My signature cake.

As I stated mixing both batters my mind once again slipped back to my problem at hand.

Was I scared? Scared of… rejection? Being isolated by those I cared about? Was I scared of myself?

I wondered placing both cakes in their own ovens then set their timers. Then went to start the sugar cookies.

Was my fear of coming out based around the fact that I didn't accept myself?

Was that it?

Pausing, I looked down at the sliced fruit. Well if I knew what made me- me- then I should be able to understand better and make a choice.

I knew since I was young that I liked boys. Back when I was in elementary school, though I didn't think anything of it till middle school when all the boys my age were into picking on girls they liked and I thought it was weird that I didn't. Still thought nothing of it till one Valentine's Day when I gave a boy I liked at the time a special card. He had been horribly embarrassed, all the other students laughed calling us both names and slurs. He got mad and showed his true colors when he ripped the card shoving me to the ground.

That had been a rude awakening yet it didn't stop my feelings- just the ones for him- I only hid them better. Then in the last year of middle school one boy did catch my attention, in a way that made me happy, we become friends and yet… it still didn't work and it somehow it did. He moved but thanks to him I realized my preference.

I took out the pineapple cake letting it cool as I prepped the brown sugar and the fruit slices.

As I waited I melted some white chocolate bars and grabbed the finished cookies and started crumbling them into a bowl, just as my other cake finished.

Now that I knew how long ago this started I felt a bit better. Now it came down to my family.

My parents were encouraging and really supportive in anything we did, so what was it?

The words filled my head as I stared at the cooling cakes.

I didn't want to disappoint them. I wanted them to be happy and proud of everything that made me- me.

But wasn't I disappointing them as well as myself by not being true to myself? And that was wrong. By trying to not upset them I was upsetting myself.

Drizzling the white chocolate over the cake was always satisfying to me and adding the cookies was pleasing, something I loved.

How many days had I stressed over this? Stressed till I withdrew from normal things, things I loved doing? Like baking, reading a good book, biking down by the beach, being with my family and friends, being out in the garden?

I placed the pineapple's that I cut into flower shapes into the holes of the baked ones.

Smiling down at my two cakes. I made up my mind. I wanted to be me again or rather this new accepted version of me.

I would tell them. Tell them I was gay and that I liked men and nothing was wrong with that. Nothing was wrong with me. Because there wasn't really. And if they didn't accept me, I didn't need to be with people like that. Because I had to love myself first and foremost.

And if all went wrong there was always Lars and Steven....

I took a knife to each cake cutting them into small squares sliding them on to paper plates.

I walked out plates balanced in my arms a slice for everyone. Xander and my Mom getting both cakes.

“Thank you, Sweetling, these look yummy!” Mom gushed eagerly taking hers.

My friends came and took theirs with grins as Ellie took hers I caught everyone holding their breath as I crossed over to Xander.

He watched me the whole way over with a curious smile as I for once kept eye contact.

I placed his plates down and watched his reaction, mouth falling slightly open, eyes widening in surprise.

“Lumir, you made these? Just now?”

“Yeah. They're a Pineapple Upside-down cake with a pineapple flower top and the other is the cake I'm best known to make. A white chocolate cake with a sugar cookie crumble on the top.” I explained happy I didn't stutter.

“Can I take a picture of you holding them?”

Confidence waning I shrank back a step. “S-sure?”

“Sorry I just know my family won't believe me otherwise. Say cheesecake!”

Instead of saying it I laughed as the sound of the shutter went off.

“Perfect.” He whispered then he took the cake back lifted his fork and took a bite of the pineapple one. A huge shocked smile told me he liked it. “This is fantastic!” He said around a mouthful. In three big bites the cake was finished, he washed it down with a gulp of water before trying my cake.

Sudden nervousness tingled in my stomach like a swarm of butterflies, as I watched the fork lift and disappear into his mouth.

A hearty moan sounded from Xander making my ears burn. What the Fudge was that?! He chewed, hand to cheek in what I assumed was utter bliss.

He didn't speak till the plate was clear and when he lifted his eyes to me, my face heated all the way down to my toes.

“Lumir, that was absolutely delightful! The pineapple one was good but seriously the white chocolate one! Have you ever thought of permanently adding that to the menu? Heck! Bringing that to school? It would be a major hit!”

I shook my head as my friends and family laughed. Ellie's arms were around me as she giggled poking my burning cheek.

“Dude, Xander I think you broke him.” She joked as I nudged her away with a laugh of my own.

Kamila and Jamie came over, Jamie being himself swooped everyone into a tight hug.

“Oh we definitely need to hang out more outside of school! Hey Mrs. A, you should hire him!”

Everyone stilled at his words then looked between my Mom and Xander.

Mom came over to our group tapping her finger to her chin. “Did you want a job, Xander?”

I couldn't believe my ears. Mom didn't just hire people on the spot! It took forever before she agreed to hire Jamie and Kamila and now she just offered a job to my crush.

Boy in question was baffled to say the least. He shook his head coming back from his shock.

“I'm sorry Mrs. Mark. I would love one but I can't give you an answer right away.”

“That's alright hon, I can still hire you though.”

“How?”

“As my taste tester!” Mom cheered.

We all laughed but Xander grinned a wide toothy smile.

“I'd love to do that.”

“Fantastic! So Lumir, will tell you when we have new things. Though that's normally on Sundays.”

Smiling at me, Xander agreed. “I'll be here.”