What do you get when you set a picnic up on a perfect day and leave your planning to a mad woman? A Herrick that is determined to turn this date around...little did he know that he was speeding toward the most bizarre picnic he would experience in his entire life. 

We arrive at the cars once more, her perfectly dry skipping about whistling to the birds and the trees, meanwhile I was most certainly, not. I realize the phrase "Skipping and whistling" may sound like an exaggeration, but I assure you it was not.

We pull out the makings of our lovely picnic lunch, I with my hamburgers and her with her, well it was a tubawear container, that held the prepared desert and we were off! 

But more curious and I would find out much later, quite significant she grabbed a guitar and brought it with her. I come from a family of musicians and am prone to randomly bursting out into song singing the words to Mulan's I'll Make a Man Out of You (and rather well by the way), so I thought it was rather nice and new to be on a date with someone who planned to play an instrument for me. I was expecting something like Wonderwall, Lynnard Skinnard, or Foo Fighters. But the truth is often far stranger than fiction and this was no exception. We will get to that toward the end of the episode, but for now we do have other things to cover first, before we get to that. 

We pick up the makings of our picnic and trek on out, passed the families barbequing, birthdays being set up and broken down. It was a beautiful day and we were going to find our own place to sit down and enjoy the lovely weather. Even I, soaking wet, worrying that I might have to apply cream to my legs, later on, was starting to perk up. 

We find a nice little glen, a baseball field to our left, a small forest behind us, and to our right a little hill. 

I lay out the blanket and plop down, doing my best to avoid putting my mud soaked shoes upon her blanket. We proceed to break out the food. I was tasked with the main meal, because to be perfectly blunt I"m incredibly picky. I dislike it when people make food for me and can be quite difficult. Knowing this about myself I had offered to do the main course and she had opted to make dessert.

I serve the hamburgers. I do not personally like letuce or tomato on my burgers, so I must come up with some other way to liven them up. To this end I had scoured the internet for interesting combinations and on epicuroius I stumbled upon an interesting hawaiian recipe that called for hawain sweet rolls, hamberger, some pineapple, and a drizzle of teryaki sauce. I found it a questionable idea at the time, but strangely it works incredibly well together. The salty burned flavor of teriyaki sauce coupled with the tangy sweet of the pineapple is a combination that compliments each other incredibly well.

After we were done eating the main course, she pulls out the guitar and informs me that she is going to be playing for me some original pieces she wrote herself. Me being an artist and that I have grown up in the live music capital of the world, Austin, means that I encourage people to stretch their creative wings (so to speak)

And stretch them she did in a way that not even the prophet Mohamad could have predicted. She began to play for me songs that described graphic sexual encounters with such hits as Sex with a Fir Tree, and the threesome carrousel. 

I was in shock. There isn't a well thought out handbook for dealing with situations where an individual is singing a song that graphically describes the act of having sex with a plant. Mind you, this was in public as well and there were whole families, including children nearby; something she did not care about or realize. 

After three of such songs, she stopped and I thanked her for singing to me and she placed her guitar to the side, then reached for the Tupperware container that held the dessert she had prepared for me. 

Is it over yet? Is it time to go home? With one last episode to this saga left I assure you, the climax is not one to be missed. 

Your lesson for the day: 

When it comes to dates and there is food involved, though it is a minor risk, always discuss with your date in detail the aspects of the food that shall be consumed. This is especially true if you are making food for a person, the reason for this is three-fold. First, some people just hate certain foods, (cilantro for example) and it can be rather embarrassing to turn down food someone has so carefully prepared for you. Secondly, it is equal if not more embarrassing to realize the person you made food for, doesn't want to eat your food. And finally, allergies! No matter how you cut it, an allergy is an allergy and not asking a person what they are allergic to is a good way to learn a new skill! How to use an EpiPen.  

- End of Episode -

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