Eliseo is shocked to realize just how much he looked forward to those classes with Joss. Now that they’re back to their normal orbit, all Eli can do is watch. So watch he does, with such frequency and intensity that sometimes he’s surprised that Joss doesn’t feel it.

Hernán and the other Leóns notice, as they always do.

“Esé, why him? He’s a total asshole.”

“Yeah. Pick a good man, not that one.”

They’ve known that he’s gay since the ninth grade. They don’t care anymore, thankfully. Eli isn’t sure he could handle hiding his thousand-yard stares. Accepting isn’t equal to approving, though, so Joss is heavily criticized from every angle.

“He’s like a male ho. Like that Rebecca girl but more into chicks.”

“He’s so straight. Like a ruler. You aren’t going to get anything out of him but a broken heart.”

“For you, Eli, don’t even try. He’s an asshole. I hear him talk with the team in gym. I know you do too, don’t shake your head.”

Eli listens, but he’s seen Joss be patient, every once in a while, when he’s teaching Eli something. He could smile, too, when Eli said something especially funny.

I think I just miss the friendship. We would have been good friends, I think, if he hadn’t left and not talked to me again after the project.

So, Eli just watches Joss, for a day, a week, two weeks. Until one day in the locker room.

He’s forgotten his shorts in his locker, and he switches back to grab them. He’s a fairly silent walker, thanks to years of trying to not wake up his family when he comes back from patrol late at night. Joss and his friend obviously don’t hear his entrance.

Their backs are to him, and they’re talking fairly loudly.

“Yea, he’s a total dumbass, bruh. I basically did all the work. Why are you asking, anyway? That was like ages ago.” Joss slides on his shirt, back rippling.

“The faggot is staring at you constantly. It’s like his fucking eyes are glued to you. I’m just wondering if you want to me teach him a lesson or some shit.”

“Nah, we’re cool. Wouldn’t want his buddies to ruin their reputations as kid saviors or whatever trash they’re spouting now.”

Eli’s shocked. He takes one step into the room, and keeps his head down. Best they don’t see his face.

“Oh shit, man, ohhhh shit,” Joss’s buddy says. “Did we just fuck up?”

Eli grabs his shorts and leaves at as much of a controlled pace as he can manage with his heart racing and his face feeling hot.

He feels so betrayed. Why does he feel betrayed? Joss is nothing to him, and now he’s certain the he is nothing to Joss. Maybe he thought that they could have been friends. Maybe… something more.

He’s crying, and he doesn’t know why. He runs into the nearest bathroom, and slams the stall door. He’s gulping, tears running down his face faster than he can wipe them off. He leans his head against the back of the stall door, and doesn’t move for one minute, two, three, until his breathing slows and he can think coherently again.

You know they’re assholes. It’s not like they haven’t shown that, over and over and over again… I can’t tell the Leóns. They’ll just laugh. I didn’t even ever tell them I like him… I like him? I… really do. I do like him. Shit. Fuck. What do I do with that, now? Oh… God.

Eli smiles, and chokes out a laugh. He has nowhere to go with this knowledge, nothing to do. Nobody to talk to. He can never tell the Leóns. They’d just say ‘I told you so”, and he isn’t sure he can handle that right now. He isn’t sure he can handle leaving this stall of solitude, but he has to do that.

Eliseo takes a deep breath, and pushes himself off of the stall door. He rinses his face in cold water, wary of people coming in, and dries it with a paper towel.

He looks at himself in the mirror.

“You are okay. You will not feel sad about this. He is nothing to you.”

The mirror doesn’t speak.

“He. Is. Nothing.”