March 10, 2017

“Uh-huh. Okay. Great. Thank you. Bye.” Flora hung up the phone. A sigh of relief left her lips. Kiran stared with an arched eyebrow from the kitchen. He was cooking an omelet for himself before work.

“Doctor?” He asked.

“Yeah. Everything came back normal. Hormones are where they should be, folic acid levels are where they should be, so I’ve got a follow-up next week to see if we can hear the baby’s heartbeat.”

“That’s so good to hear!” Kiran hugged her, holding her tight. Lord knows he worried about the tests, too. “I know we’re not out of the woods yet, but—”

“But those are a few less worries now. I know. I feel that way, too.”

Kiran kissed her forehead before returning to his omelet. “I know your doctor said it’s fine for you to keep working, but….”

“But?”

Kiran shifted uncomfortably. “Maybe it’d be better for you to stay at home? Just during the pregnancy. You can relax, focus on what you need to focus on, all that.”

“But what about the shop?” Flora crossed her arms. She never wanted to stop working at their shop, even temporarily. “We’ll get busier.”

“I know. That’s why we have Michael and Josey, remember?”

“But—!”

“We have your whole binder of arrangements to keep us stocked up. And I’m sure you’ll come up with more to add, so I doubt the store will go under. It’s just temporary.”

“That’s not the point! My doctor said it’s fine right now to keep working. That’s what I want to do.”

Kiran pulled two plates from the cupboard. “I’m just trying to think of what will be best for you and the baby. That’s all.” He split the omelet between the plates.

“I understand that—”

“Do you?” Flora opened her mouth to speak, but Kiran pressed on. “Because dammit, Flora, I can’t handle another miscarriage. I can’t! And this is the only way I know that might make it a little better for you; a little easier.”

“I don’t like staying home all the time.”

“I’m not asking you to like it. I’m just asking you to do it for everyone’s sake. Please?”

I don’t really get a say, do I?

Kiran held her gaze steady as she thought of what she wanted to say. That was a long list. Instead, Flora sighed, nodded slightly, and took the plate.

“Thank you.”

Progress Ridge was a large shopping center in Tigard that was popular year round. In the almost-full-week following her “discussion” with Kiran—when he made her take time off—she made a habit of coming to walk the small trail alongside the pond a few times a day for exercise. The trail started at The Little Cakery, just next to the fountain, down the stairs and along the pond to the other end. It was a quarter mile if one was being generous. There was another path at the top of the stairs running behind the other businesses that made a circle she would complete once a week for now. Once she could hear the baby’s heartbeat, she could increase it to twice a week. As a special treat, Flora stood in line at The Little Cakery with every intention of spoiling herself with a chocolate petite-four and strawberry lemonade.

Flora’s mind wandered between the packets of information her doctor supplied her with preparing for the pregnancy and the lingering bitterness of having to follow everyone else’s demands. She understood the why’s of it all, but that didn’t mean it was easier to bear. Or she liked it at all.

“Why are you so mopey?” Flora jumped, turning to the sound of Damian’s voice. He was smiling as he always did as well-dressed as she ever saw him. But, she realized, he never seemed to do anything that warranted such nice attire.

“I wasn’t expecting to see you here,” she chuckled shuffling a little closer to the counter.

“I wasn’t expecting to see you, either, but here we are. Where’s Kiran?”

“Oh,” Flora’s smile withered, “he’s at the shop today. I’m taking a day off.”

“Susan said you weren’t there when she picked up our order the other day, either. Is something wrong?”

Flora shuffled to the counter, grateful for the momentary distraction. She didn’t want to throw her burdens on someone else. She didn’t want to hear the same thing again from a different source. Somehow, her family, plus Kiran’s, plus the doctor all sided with Kiran’s decision of how to care for her. She didn’t need to add another to that list.

“One sec,” she told Damian. “A chocolate petite-four and strawberry lemonade, please.”

“Add a coffee to that, please.” Damian already had cash out.

“Oh, no. Don’t do that.” Flora protested.

“It’s okay. It’s on me.” The cashier took his money, handed back change, and smiled at them.

“You didn’t have to do that.”

“I know. But you seem down.” They moved down to the end of the counter to wait for Damian’s coffee. He led her to a table near the window facing the pond.

“Thank you,” Flora said as she took her seat.

“It’s my pleasure. So, why are you mopey?”

“That’s a long story I’m not in the mood to get into.” Flora took a bite of her little cake. “Is Susan here, too?”

“No. She’s getting ready to go back to work next week.”

“Oh. You know, I always just thought she was a homemaker.”

Damian laughed. “She would go crazy. She’s been using up her vacation time from work. Apparently, HR finally realized they never cashed it out at the end of last year, so she’s been banking all this time off, but not using any of it, so it was use it or lose it. So back to work she goes now it’s finally used up.”

“That makes sense. I don’t think I’ve ever asked what you do for work.”

“I’m a freelance journalist. I work from home.” The clattering of plates, cups and silverware hung in the background like soft music. Flora didn’t know what else to say. They sat staring out the window at the pond. The clouds moved across the sky, allowing small bits of blue sky and golden sun to peek through. “You know if you want to tell me what’s on your mind you can, right?”

“I know that. And thank you.” Flora studied Damian’s face. There was a sparkle in his eyes with the slightest hint of concern. His brows furrowed just slightly, lips pulled in a small thin line. “It’s not really something to talk about here.”

“That’s an easy fix.” Damian stood setting her plate with the dirty dishes. “Let’s go.” He held his hand out for her to take like all the knights in the fairy tales of her childhood. It didn’t take much to sway her. Flora’s hand rested in his until she was on her feet. They left the cafe, down the stairs leading to the small path that skirted the lake. There were few others out because it was chilly outside, even in the afternoon.

Damian walked to Flora’s right separating her from the water. Flora was an excellent swimmer, but she appreciated the gesture. They walked to a small platform overlooking the pond. The stairs behind them joined the street, yet it stifled the traffics’ noises.

Once Flora’s nerves calmed she spoke. “I’m pregnant.”

“Oh. Congratulations.”

“Thanks,” she said. “We were almost parents two years ago, too, but I kept miscarrying.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“That’s life. He’s moved on. But all I can think about is how we shouldn’t get too attached. Just in case.”

Damian nodded. “That’s huge.”

“Yeah.”

“How’s Kiran handling everything?”

Flora shifted uncomfortably. “Better than I am. We haven’t really talked about it much.”

“Why not?” Damian turned towards her full of concern.

“The last time we ‘talked’ about it he decided I’m staying home until the baby’s born. He doesn’t care if I want to work because it calms me. He wants to be optimistic and believe it’s all fine!” Anger was simmering in her blood. “I’m not allowed to be upset, or afraid, or cry! I’m only allowed to be happy and hopeful because nothing bad could happen, even though we both know how wrong that is.”

Damian wrapped an arm around Flora’s shoulders to offer what support he could.

“I’m sorry,” she said. She took a deep breath to keep from crying. “I shouldn’t put my problems on you; I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“It’s okay. Don’t you feel better?”

Flora nodded. Tears fell down her cheeks for another moment until she wiped them away with the back of her hand. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“You already apologized, so stop that.” He released her, leaving some distance between them. “How far along?”

“Going on seven weeks, I think.”

“Well, I can’t speak for Kiran,” Damian said, “but if I were him, I’d feel helpless. Maybe this is just his way of making sure everything goes smooth?”

“Maybe.”

“Just give him time.”

For the first time in a week, Flora smiled. “I don’t think I’ve ever asked: do you have children?”

“Nope.” Damian said.

“Oh.” Flora’s attention returned to the pond. It was peaceful here. The weight she carried for the last week vanished. It might come back later, but that didn’t matter as much as the peace at hand. This is what she needed. She didn’t need orders. She didn’t need the pity from her family. Oddly enough, she needed a man’s perspective on how her husband might be feeling. If Kiran had said those exact words, she might have ignored them.

“Thank you, Damian.” Flora said after taking a deep breath. Her genuine smile was dancing on her lips once again, her green eyes a little brighter. “I really needed this.”

“You’re welcome. You have our numbers; anytime you need to talk just call us.”

Flora hesitated. “I will.”

“Good.” Damian gestured with the nod of his head they should head back to the cafe. She didn’t realize she was getting cold. Damian walked along her left between her and the water. As a proper gentleman, Damian even walked her back to her car.

“I mean this seriously: if you or Kiran need anything just call us, day or night.”

“That’s kind of you.”

“But you’re not going to, are you?” Damian looked at her with an arched eyebrow.

“I don’t know…I don’t feel comfortable talking to other women about my baby problems because I’ve had such bad experiences before.”

“Then I’ll tell Susan so you don’t have to, and then you can call either of us for anything.”

Flora laughed.

Damian hugged Flora. He never hugged her before, always settling for handshakes, but she liked it. It was like being wrapped in a large warm blanket. She turned her head, pressing her ear against his chest to listen to the soft thumping of his heart. Rhythmic. Hypnotic. Steady.

Flora looked up. Damian looked down at her with dreamy brown eyes tracing her features. They moved from her hairline down to the perfectly sculpted eyebrows, then down her bony nose to her lips. Her eyes traced his features, memorizing them, as she stood tip-toed, bringing her lips near Damian’s.

She stopped.

With a mixture of horror and confusion, Flora stepped back against her car. She shook her head. “I’m sorry.” When she dared to lift her eyes, Damian was staring back at her as bewildered and apologetic. “I’m so sorry, Damian.” Her mind was struggling to find coherent thoughts again. “I should go.”

“Drive safe,” Damian muttered. He turned on his heel, stalking across the parking lot.

“What is wrong with me!?” Flora hit her forehead against the steering wheel. She started the engine, but didn’t drive home. She needed the voice of reason.