"Cause I feel awful."

The words sting a little, hearing him talk about himself like that.

Shit! What are you supposed to do when your best friend starts crying out of nowhere after you kinda accidentally confessed your love for them?

I need help and lots of it.

"Why?" I ask, like an idiot.

"Cause you care about me so much and I'm scared that one of these days you're gonna realize you're better off without me pushing you away all the time. I bet it sucks not being able to talk to anybody about all this either, I told my coworkers about us, sorry if-"

"No, it's fine. I told Damon about us." I chuckled when he frowned at me.

"Really. You told him?"

"Yeah, I talk about you to him all the time. You don't have to feel so bad about all this. I keep trying to find ways to tell my dad that girls aren't really my thing. I think he knows somethings up cause ever since we started seeing each other like that he's been randomly asking if I might have a girlfriend or whatever. It's really awkward too," I said, smiling when Eric joined in on my laughter.

"Maybe you should say something to him, he's your dad. He deserves to know... And I should maybe say something to my mom too. God, I'm a hypocrite." Groaning Eric laid back down.

"That doesn't sound bad though. We don't have to say anything about us just yet though." Seeing the look on Eric's face I winced. "I mean we can tell them about us but maybe not just yet cause my dad might put two and two together and realize all those nights you spent over here weren't spent playing games. Or at least not video games."

Surprisingly Eric laughed at my knowing look instead of shrinking away in embarrassment.

"Well then what are you going to tell him?" he asked, reaching over to absent-mindedly tug at a loose thread on my comforter.

"That I'm gay and hungry as fuck. Why the hell are you even come over here anyway, there isn't shit to eat in the fridge?"

"I guess I was here to see you."

"Oh..."

Blushing I smiled to myself. Then I whispered. "But I'm gonna be serious, he's gonna be pissed when he finds out about us. You remember what he did when he caught Callum hiding a girl under his bed?"

"Yeah. He put him through boot camp!" Eric cackled, and I can only imagine what part of it he was thinking of. All I could picture in my mind was how dad made him sleep outside on the porch for a week in the middle of a slowly chilling October.

"That's not funny. Do you know what he'd do to me if he knew what we were up to-"

"Okay, you don't have to say the same thing again. Let's just play some video games and you can just tell him tomorrow, and I'll talk to my mom when the break is over." Eric placed his hand over my mouth.

"How come you get to wait till the break is over but I have to suffer Thanksgiving dinner with that on my mind? This was your idea."

Hopping up off the bed Eric started rifling through the mess of cords on the floor. Plugging up the console he turned the TV to channel three before pulling the controllers apart.

"Can't hear you, too busy trying to find Mario Kart," he hummed, popping it into the slot.

To my dismay, he claimed first player. Climbing back into bed with me we say as close to the edge as we could so we could see the TV. I waited until our gameplay started to lag and Eric was too busy yawning to complain about me throwing yet another blue shell at him to turn the game off.

He fell asleep fast, taking my favorite pillow and holding it in a bear hug when I tucked him in. Leaving the room I tiptoed down into the living room where my dad was still sitting in his recliner, scratching at his stubble in his sleep.

He just looked so young, especially in his sleep. He was in his late forties but when you age as slow as we do a lot of people had a tendency to assume that Callum was his little brother or nephew.

I was hesitant and understandably so. I had no reason to think that my dad would shun me for something so trivial but what if he did? What if he was no longer the alpha male I knew about in all the stories he used to tell me at bedtime when I was too restless to sleep? What if he made fun of me like Callum and Pete used to whenever I didn't join in on girl talk? I couldn't handle that. Change was scary. Change meant leaving behind what you knew in favor of chasing something strange and uncertain. And change was often dangerous and didn't always mean you'd come out a better person once you came out the other end.

"Dad?" I mumbled, shaking his shoulder, the room felt hot. He must have forgotten to turn the oven off again.

"Mm. What?" he groaned, rubbing at his eyes as he stretched. "Tobias? What are you doing up?"

Sighing I sat on the arm of his recliner. I could already see his lips moving into an annoyed line but the moment I laid my head on his shoulder and said, "I couldn't sleep, Pa," he relaxed and hummed.

"What is it?" he asked, wrapping his arms around my shoulders.

"I just need to talk to you about something. It's really important and... honestly I'm scared to tell you," I sniffed. I wasn't crying, no don't think that, but I was damn near close to it.

"Toby you know you can tell me anything, right?"

"Well, hypothetically speaking, what would you say if I told you that I was seeing somebody?"

"I'd ask you what's her name."

"Yeah, that's the thing. It's a he."

He sat there for a moment. I waited for him to tense up. To pull away from me. To push me down onto the floor and start yelling at me. But he didn't.

Instead, he snorted. "Are you trying to tell me you're gay? Cause you're doing a terrible job at coming out."

"Hey this is hard for me and here you are making jokes!" I whined before calling down and snuggling up closer to him. "So you knew or did you just suspect?"

"I suspected."

"Are you mad at me?"

Gasping he pulled back a little to frown at me. "Toby! I could never be mad at you, but I am mad at myself."

Eyeing him I sat up to look down at him. "You are?"

"Yes. I did something wrong, there's no reason for you to ever be afraid to tell me something that important to you. Your brothers and I would always talk girls, I'd give them advice, and we'd joke around but here you are, scared to be yourself around me, your father." Rubbing my shoulder he kissed my forehead. "I take it back I am mad at you."

"Okay, moody much?"

"Don't start with me Tobias," he warned before pulling back into his arms and laying my head against his chest. "You used to tell me everything, somewhere along the way I said or did something and you took it the wrong way."

"I'm sorry Dad..." I sniffed, flinching as Dad nearly pocked me in the eye trying to wipe away a tear with his thumb.

"Don't apologize. I'm the one who should be sorry. I love you, don't ever forget that."

I nodded my head, snaking my arms around his neck. "Dad, can I sleep with you? I just wanna be held for a little bit. You can carry me back upstairs when I fall asleep."

Chuckling I felt him shake his head. "Toby you're not five years old anymore."

"I know. I just wanted to stay down here with you."

"Well tell you what, I'll let you break in the arm of my chair for tonight but you have to wake up cause I'm not gonna carry you up those stairs."

"I'm not that heavy."

"Those stairs are steep."

"Fine," I grumbled before smiling into the fabric of his shirt, "love you, dad."

"Loved you first."