Host : “You play the main character in the English version, but not in the French one, right? So, who does?”

Me : “Abby. She is the one that reached out first, and our therapist said that she would be strong enough for the role. And she was awesome in it.”

Truly, she was. Her acting was very good, but more than that, the emotions she showed and her dedication took her role to another level entirely.

Abby was a survivor. She had been abused her whole life in different painful ways, and gone through as close to hell as is possible to imagine in our Western so-called developed countries. But more importantly, she had survived it and came out stronger, with a love of life that few of us could equal.

Host : “I hope she's not afraid of rats, though, considering she had to work with two live ones for the part.”

Me : “No, she adored them actually! They are really sweet creatures, very affectionate, and she used to have a couple of them as pets a few years ago. She wanted to spend as much time with those two as possible, so we brought their cage to her room. We rarely saw her without them outside of filming, and all three seemed so happy that we didn't want to separate them. A true love story!”

Host : “And where are they now? What are their names, by the way?”

Me : “We named them Rahar and Gründ, after the characters they played, since it would be much easier to train them and less confusing for them. So we had two small grey Rahars and two big white Gründs. The fun thing is, the ones starring on the English version don’t respond to their names when called with a French accent, and vice versa. And I kept them all. I was the only one with enough room for all of them, and I, too, love rats. I have to say the same things twice, in two different languages, but I don’t really mind. They are all so sweet and smart!"

Host : “I still can’t believe rats would be cute.”

Me : “Then you’ll have to watch the movie! They’re simply adorable! And really clever, too. We were lucky in our choice, these are particularly intelligent. Enough to learn how to write in a way, can you believe that?”

Host : “No way! Writing rats?”

Me : “I know, right! You see, in the book, it was necessary for me to find a way of letting all the characters communicate together at least in a written language, including the two animals. So I decided to use the cuneiform alphabet, since our latin one would clearly be unachievable for them. And, well, we had to teach our actual live rats to form the signs with their tiny claws in blocks of clay, because we couldn’t do it with special effects.”

Host : “Now I regret not seeing that! How the hell did you achieve such a feat?”

Me : “Again: Abby. She spent an entire week training them on it, with the help of our vets of course. And don’t ask me how, but she did it! It worked! They grew fat with all the treats she had given them for this intense training and we had to put them on a diet afterwards, but they could form cuneiform signs, and in the right order too! They still use them to ask for food and water or other basic stuff.”

Host : “Wow, unbelievable. Now I understand why this movie is so much expected.”

Expected? Yes, i assume you could say that. There is a lot of communication about it, and I keep getting invited to talk on the radio and on TV. I decline most of the time, my social anxiety and depression don’t allow me a lot of social interactions. Not to mention the PTSD and its wonderful times of “hey! remember that time when… Your body remembers now!” that often leaves me curled up in a ball on the floor, my body aching from a 20 years old pain.

But as for the movie, there are posters everywhere, teasers on TV and social media, pictures of the filming crew and all that kind of stuff.

It makes me cringe when I go out to buy groceries or something and I bump into a giant picture of my face. So I just decided to stop going out until the hype has calmed down, which hopefully will happen next week. People forget fast, and I am very thankful for that.

Well, yes and no. I am thankful that soon my life will return to "normal", whatever that is, but at the same time I really wish to send our message to the world and maybe change it. A little girl’s dream, perhaps, but still.

As for the advertising, I have no clue who does all of that, where it comes from, who has the money to spend on it. I do know that it’s not one of our crew. My guess would be that it comes from some anonymous guy who has money falling out of his pores and feels guilty, perhaps. Or someone who has gone through hell too, and wants to help. But I doubt it. I have no idea, to be honest, and my curiosity is itching, but I don't even know where to start searching...

Me : "I don't regret writing that book or making the movies, but to tell you the truth, I miss the old times. I miss reading a good book while eating junk food, simply chatting with my friends and daydreaming about stuff as stupid as “what would the world be like without chocolate".

Drunk. That’s my answer : the world would be a sad place, and so it would drink to try and feel better. I’m sure of it. But I digress.

With all the crazy things happening, I don't have time for daydreaming anymore. It makes me a little sad. But then again, it was just a way for me to live a different life, where I would be a hero and not a victim. I would save princesses and dragons alike, shake hands with my heros and laugh in the face of hardships.

But now... There are no dragons, no princesses to save, reality is amazing but not quite as epic as my fantasies. A little depressing, if I may say so.

Host : “So, tell me : who are your heroes? Did you get a chance to shake their hands?”

Me : “Well M. Tolkien and Pr Hawking are in no shape for handshaking, sadly. Most of my less-known heroes have a role in the movies, though, so I did shake their hands. And the hands of a surprisingly big number of celebrities, some of which I had absolutely never heard of! And before you ask : no, I did not tell them that. My mother has raised me to be polite, and it stuck with me all this time.”

Host : “She did, didn't she? What other lesson did she manage to force into your head?"

Me : "You do know that whatever my answer is, it will be the wrong answer, right? So... I'll just pass on this one. Next question!"

Host : "Fair enough. You said on several occasions that your daydreams were a way to be a hero. Isn't that what you are now?”

Me : “No, I don't think so. Heroes wear swords and ride horses and don't suffer from anxiety. Or maybe they do, but the books don't show the therapy sessions... Anyway, I think that in our case here, the real heroes are Abby and Pierre, who overcame their fears and made all of this possible. They took my fictional autobiography and transformed it into something beautiful, something useful.”