Peter was the last guy I dated before meeting Oliver. We had a very strong relationship and I do have loads to talk about my time with him, but considering it's obvious we didn't last forever, I guess it's safe to start with any convenient moment. Curiously enough, the beginning of our relationship will do just fine for the time being.

Something I should mention. I met Oliver the same way I met Peter. On the same website. On valentine's day with only one year apart from each other. I spent more hours than I'm proud to admit thinking if maybe that wasn't some serious foreshadowing.

I don't really remember a lot from my first date with Peter. I don't feel happy or proud about it. Even if only for a moment, he was, like all the others, special and I, at least at some point, like all the others, cherished him. I do remember us riding buses at different times of the day.... and now, just as I stretched my mind to think, I remembered more details. That also happened last week when I was trying to remember his full name in order to tell the story. Not that it matters, but I like having those tidbits.

Peter and I had our first date at a park that was once a royal building and now is the to-go destination of the musical hipsters in our city. I grew to like him really fast and talking to him had soon become one of my favourite things.

Who would've thought we would break-up ten months later over a small piece of bacon fallen from a slice of pizza? But more to that later.

Sometimes you fall for people and you really can't explain why. Some other times, on the other hand, you know exactly what the other person said or did that clicked that switch inside of your consciousness that made you think "I really want to give this a go".

Now, as if my brain has decided it will actually be harmless to revisit that moment, I can recall us arriving at the park and feeling lost right from the gates. We saw a post with five round signs with their back to us some fair metres away and thought it would be worth checking them, especially because it seemed to be at the end of the parking lot and it probably meant we would find some useful directions. Panting, we barely had time to enjoy our brief relief at having reached the post when we finally passed it to take a good look at the signs and found ourselves facing the five vowels. There they were. Each one in an individual and colourful sign. Nothing else. They weren't representative of park areas, each assigned to a letter. They were just a colourful sign post made for children.

We couldn't tell which one of us was cursing more at the fucking dumb sign and at how we had made complete fools of ourselves. We went back to where we had come from, already tired, and decided to take a break and sit down at a stone wall. Both of us kept cursing the sign post, but we were in really great moods to allow it to ruin the day for any of us, so we were shortly laughing and making fun of the whole situation.

I could have spent the whole day making him laugh just to look at that smile.

If anything, Peter seemed the most down-to-earth person I had ever met. He had a way to talk about feelings in a somewhat practical way that I really admired and related to. It really felt balanced and the one thing I had looked for during all that time.

It wasn't long into our talk that it naturally drifted towards a possible relationship and, since we were both being emotionally practical or practically emotional, we decided to lay some cards on the table from the get go.

'Tenderness is my fuel. Be nice and sweet to me and I'll love you forever, that simple' I said. I know this makes me look like a clingy person and some fucktards unable to express any emotional other than contempt have indeed already called me that, but I'm a romantic person, am I really to blame for expecting my significant other to show affection? How else am I supposed to classify them as significant and not random?

'That's really doable. I thought it'd take something far more complicated to get you to like me' I did blush and smile at that answer. 'Be honest with me. At all times. No matter what', he completed, expecting for my reply.

'Are you sure what you're asking for? I am always honest no matter what, especially if I have intimacy-'

'So that'll be easy for you!'

'For me, yes. I don't know whether it will be any easy for you. See, people often mistake honesty for rudeness and that's why so many people avoid me so much.'

'I'm sure I can take it. And if you're ever rude to me, that's nothing that a double bitchslap cannot fix' we laughed together at this, before he continued. 'But seriously, I'm not talking about honesty only as in "don't lie to me", I also mean, and I do above anything else, don't hide things from me, especially the ones I should know.'

'And what are the things that you should know?'

'Above anything else, how you feel about us. If you're happy or sad or angry or doesn't love me anymore and want to break-up. Anything. Don't let it boil in your head until it's too late. Any problem that comes, talk to me and we'll fix it.'

And that was it. The turn in the switch that told me I would be very thankful for dating Peter. How many times have I come so frustrated from a break-up after the guy saying 'I can't take any longer' and yet they never talked to me about when they started being unable to take it?

Peter and I arrived at the park already in the afternoon, so it wasn't long before closing time. We did have time though to walk a lot around the park, making fun of the hipsters as they seemed so absorbed by their individual take on the world. None of us wanted to part from one another, though. We really wanted to be together and we were both determined to do things differently than our previously relationships. Everything we had tried before had failed, so we were keen to scratch all that and really try doing things another way.

'That also means I won't ask you to be my boyfriend today. I have some trauma about becoming official boyfriends on the day we met, so I'm not risking that with you.'

'Oh. Okay. Nice to know you plan to ask me to be your boyfriend some other day' I laughed saying that as we crossed the street away from the closed park, deciding to take a long walk around a lake that would lead us to a mall. 'By the way', I added, 'please tell me when it's okay for me to squeeze your butt, because it is just too cute and I don't know how long I can resist it.'

'Oh, you can squeeze as much as you want, I won't feel a thing. It's fake. I'm wearing three layers of padded underwear to create this butt.'

I couldn't help it and looked straight to his ass.

'But it's not even that big.'

'Exactly. And it's three layers. Now imagine how insignificant is the real one behind them.'

'I'd still pretty much like to squeeze it, though. With and without the pads' I shrugged and he smiled. Worth it.

And that was the rest of our day. Our conversation always drifted naturally between nothing, everything, love, sex, the future. It really felt as if there was nothing out of bounds.

'Which reminds me' he added at some point when night had long fallen and we were about to be kicked out of our second destination that day, for the mall was about to close. 'I've done double penetration. As a bottom. I think you should know that.'

'Okay. Fine. But is it supposed to make any difference?' I asked shrugging.

'Well, that's up to you. Some guys are disgusted by it. But I'd never do it with you. I'd never do it with anyone I would be in a relationship with' he added the last in a very matter-of-factly tone. Plenty times he had basically guaranteed me we would become official, just not that day. I didn't really mind it. As long as I could still see his smile I was happy.

'Want to head back to the lake?' He asked lighting up a cigarette as we left the closed mall. I agreed and we started walking towards it and, then, around it.

I was really distracted by him and having a great time.

'Oh. Look at that!' He said resembling a child who had seen Father Christmas outside his window. I followed his gaze and my eyes fell upon a street clock, showing a rather low temperature.

'I didn't know it was that cold. I normally don't feel cold myself.'

'No, honey' he said tenderly. 'I meant the time. It's past midnight.'

'Oh. It's pretty late, then. Does that mean you want to go back home?'

'No, not that' he said, his voice still so full of dedication as it was since he called my attention to the clock. 'The day has turned. That means it's officially not the day we met anymore. It's already the next day. So now, do you want to be my boyfriend?'

I couldn't help but laughing at how sweet the whole thing was.

'Yeah. I really do.'

We hugged and kissed and that felt as a very promising beginning.

And I should know about beginnings. After all, I had indeed had my fair share of those. But no matter how many beginnings I had had, it didn't feel like that when I was mastering the courage to ask Oliver to be my boyfriend.

We were already deep into the night at his company party. It was a quite humble environment, not a venue, but an employee's front yard. I was happy and thankful for that. I can't stand formal parties and that was none of that. A lot of people, a bit less than fifty, just having a good time with some drinks and lots of laughter.

Oliver was great company and even better at making me feel welcome and integrated. At separate poinst of the party, basically every single person tried offering me a drink. Every single time I smiled and refused, saying I don't drink alcohol. Some of them were interested into why and I had no problem explaining that I simply never liked the taste of it, so I preferred juices and sodas.

I am actually very thankful to my taste buds for despising alcohol so much. You see, I think I am the most hydrated person I've met. I never stop drinking and I drink always very large amounts. Water, juices, teas, sodas, milk. I'm very fond of milk. Pun (not) intended. So, if I drank a tenth of alcohol of the amount I drink everything else, I guess I would be dead by now already. Oh, I also don't drink coffee. Can't stand it. Weird, huh, a teacher who doesn't drink coffee.

The best part of the party, as a sober person, was that everyone respected my choice. This is not something very common and it becomes a real nuisance to deal with drunk people constantly trying to force you to drink.

I was really confused and again thankful to my ADHD for allowing me to enjoy the party, pay attention to people and still think a lot about where or anywhere at all I wanted to take my relationship with Oliver.

Haven't I learned from my past mistakes? Was I really so clingy that I felt I must become his boyfriend immediately? Did we really need to label what we had? That one I onew we did. I'm really old-fashioned when it comes to labelling a relationship. If we're going out, than you're my boyfriend. I don't hook up. Only for fast fuck. So I didn't hook up, but my dick did. Maybe that hobo from the beach was right. I am from the old times.

I could tell the time for some face-to-face honesty was upon me and I knew I couldn't take much longer. When Oliver came back from the bathroom and sat by my side, I leaned over and whispered in his ear.

'Can you give me ten minutes alone with you? There's something I feel we must talk.'

He led me to the front of the house. He didn't act or feel as drunk as he really was, but the pictures were great at capturing all the effect the alcohol had on him.

'What's wrong, my love? Are you not having a good time with me?'

'No, babe. That's not it. Listen. There is something I need to tell you and it might scare you away, so I think I have to say it now before it's too late.'

I could see he looked worried. Thank God I at least was rather good at expressing myself, so we would be able to move past that quickly. I am indeed a very strange kind of depressed person.

'You see. I'm a really scarred person, emotionally speaking. I am not an easy person to deal with and when I enter a relationship I give all of me to it and I am stubborn enough to still believe this is a job to the pair, even after all the pain I've felt. I am coming from a very troubled moment in my life. I don't think I have ever been so low, I don't think I have ever lost as much. When we met I was determined to take things slowly so they could last. I got tired of rushing through things and losing it all in the end. I really wanted to take things slowly and I was really taken aback when you said you loved me last night. That's why it took me some time to reply. But I need you to know I was honest. I was already liking you a lot, that was why I insisted on our date yesterday, so when you said you loved me I just decided to give in to it and take that step with you. But I'm already normally insecure and feeling low as I am, things naturally get worse, much worse.'

'Ralph', Oliver took a deep breath before continuing. 'Thank you for opening up at last to me, but you must know you haven't said anything I didn't know already. I've been paying attention to you since our first hello. That's why I can say so certainly I love you. I love you, Ralph.'

I wanted to cry. I swallowed it and filled that space with words.

'I love you, too. And, since that's a very big step and we took it really soon, I would like to trace back a little and take another step that normally comes before that one.' I looked straight into his eyes before asking 'Do you want to be my boyfriend?'

Oliver hugged me and buried his face in my neck before saying 'I do. I really do.'

We kissed really tenderly. The most passionate kisses we had shared in that small space of time since the first one I stole from him. We headed back to the party and stayed until dawn was breaking. We got a ride to the corner of his house where he would wait with me for my bus. We had to wait more than an hour and during that time, as we sat there, I discovered that playing with his year was the most effective way to turn him on. Of course there was nothing we could do there, but that's some piece of valuable information that I made sure I wouldn't forget when the time came.

When we saw my bus turning around the corner, we stood up, hugged and I hailed it. As it was stopping to allow me in, Oliver said softly 'Text me when you're home, I'll wait for you before I sleep okay? Remember I love you.'

'I love you, too' and I entered the bus, with a smile on my face that lasted until I finally fell asleep in my bed half an hour later.