I come in the art room to find Max covered in pink and bright blue paint. Even his messy bun has somewhat gotten colorful. His hand sheds scraps of paint as he moves his fingers, and he's so immersed in his canvas that he doesn't notice me coming in.

I've never been here, having always been more of a sciences type of guy. The only artsy thing I can do is write, and even for that I wouldn't bet on my talent. The strong paint smell gets me out of my thoughts.

I startle him as I put a hand on his shoulder, earning myself a mean glare and pink paint on my nose. I ask him what he’s painting as I can’t quite figure it out. He explains shyly that those are only a few feelings that doesn’t require anyone’s attention. He doesn’t realize how talented and adorable he is. If only my heart wasn’t already stuck on somebody else…

In short, he’s expressing his shattered love for Adrien and his new interest for someone he won’t tell me about. I feel like this painting could also be about Nick, and it’s quite troubling how well it’s depicted.

I don’t know how long I stay here next to him, watching his hand fluidly apply paint on the canvas as if it was its sole purpose.

[Nick] (04:13 PM): Hey, I’ve been searching for you everywhere… Where are u?

[Ollie] (04:15 PM): Art club

It barely takes a rough minute before Nick storms in. Max drops his brush in a startle and we both turn to the source of our disturbance. Without a word, I find myself dragged out of the room under the inquiring glance of Maxime. Nick’s holding my wrist so hard it hurts, only to release it as were far enough to have a private conversation.

"What was that?" I ask, my breath short from the dragging and the running.

"I don’t like it", he simply answers. "You with that other guy… I don’t know why but it made me mad. We just… don’t spend as much time as we used to together. We’ve come back to school since last week and we live together, yet I barely see you."

I laugh, the tension in my shoulders easing up. I thought he was jealous because… well never mind.

Nick brushes the paint off my nose, and no matter how much I wish I didn't, I blush like crazy. How come he doesn't notice the effect he has on me? He lets me off with a promise that I'll make more time for him. He heads home to study, and I stay behind in the art room. Somehow, watching the canvas fill with feelings soothes me.

•••

The air is already warm, and we can smell the summer that is to come. As promised, I spend more time with Nick, trying to ignore the growing pain that his presence always causes. The pain of knowing he’ll never love me back, no matter what I do. And I admit that, even though I’ve been ignoring him a bit lately, I don’t want to lose him as a friend. So every day since last week that rain doesn’t ruin, I gather my courage and eat with him on the roof of our apartment.

I don’t know why though, today my heart feels a bit lighter. We’ve both finished our supper an hour ago, but the surprisingly hot day (It’s only at ten Celsius, but it’s already a great contrast from the minus thirty we had all Winter) keeps us out.

At some point I rise to go and clean the dishes, but my movement is stopped by Nick’s hand on mine.

"Wait, he says. There’s a few stars coming out…"

I sit back, his hand holding mine. My heart’s pounding so hard I fear he’ll hear, but I stay here without showing any intention of taking my hand back. He’s careless enough not to notice he’s still touching me, and I’m desperate enough not to let him find out.

The sun finally sets, a breeze soon following it down. We’re staring at the few stars whose shine outgrows the city lights until our breaths release sparse clouds. Suddenly, Nick breaks the silence: "I wanted to talk to you. I’m sorry if it feels like I’m being possessive. I don’t know what’s taken over me."

My eyes won’t leave the sky as I can’t bring myself to look at him. He goes on in such a soft voice that the only thing that carries it to my ears is the occasional breeze.

"I can’t identify the feeling I get when I see you around Max. Some would say it's jealousy, but it's more than that. I felt like I was the only one to know how awesome you are… to have others find out made our relation less special I guess."

Quickly, he adds that he's not gay so that I don't get the wrong idea. I chuckle a bit at his embarrassment and decide to add a layer to it: "I once heard that people aren't gay or straight; they just fall in love with another person."

I look at him with a teasing glare only to find him lost in thoughts, as if he really was considering it. After a few minutes, he chuckles lightly before answering:

"You make it seem so easy..."

We both take our attention from the stars to instead stare into each other's eyes. We're so close, with our hands intertwined, but it doesn’t feel weird at all. If anything, it's the more natural thing that we've ever done. The proximity makes me lose my ability to think properly. I know still that I can't kiss him, but I instead close my eyes to feel his warm hand against my neck, to imagine his lips against mine.

I squeeze his hand instead of doing anything foolish, and instead of letting go he squeezes back.