Last sad summertime
for a single, soft leaf sings
into the river.

Rory’s gone for his morning run. I keep telling myself I want to see him burn but something doesn’t sound right with it anymore. But I groan because the amount of haikus he has in here are getting annoying.

Finally, I get to an actual journal entry dated just before Halloween two years ago.

Evan talked to me in the hall. He asked me why I wasn’t talking to him, and I got fucking pissed off because he’s been the one not talking to me. After Ash’s party, he’s ghosted me hard. So I got mad and he got mad and that just made me madder.

We have detention now because of it. Mom’s hit the roof and Dad’s given me his “I’m very disappointed in you” speech.

There’s something really sad about this. I’ve gotten those speeches before, definitely, but this…doesn’t feel real. Rory’s journal’s mostly just poetry and haikus about seasons, and a lot of it isn’t good.

I snort and begin laughing. “He probably thinks he’s deep.”

I skip ahead to the next actual entry until I get curious. Flipping through the rest of the school year, I get to the start of summer two years ago.

Princess got a new haircut. He looks fucking stupid, but when his mom tells him he needs another haircut, he gets angry and insists he doesn’t need one.

He does look bad. But the way he’s defending himself is pretty funny.

That haircut was bad. It was basically mushroom hair and I did not pull it off at all. I looked like I had a fuzzy bowl on my head. And for some reason, I thought that was a super cool look.

He got to the house first. Saran wrap around the bottom of the door. I tripped and broke a floorboard. But Princess laughed and told me I had it coming.

So I stole his phone.

That was, indeed, the summer when we kept stealing each other’s phones. It was probably one of the quieter summers we’ve had.

I skip ahead again. It must be some point after the end of summer because Rory’s talking about Caleb and Evan.

They’re not on speaking terms again. I don’t know why because Caleb told me to be his friend and not Evan’s. Evan caught me at lunch and told me that I can’t be his friend if I’m Caleb’s friend.

So I’m not their friends anymore. Because I didn’t realize being in high school meant that we turned back into bitchy five year olds again.

At least with Princess we have this mutual understanding. And we’re able to put shit aside for a while. His dad’s “end of summer” BBQ was fucking amazing. I don’t think he understands how good that guy can cook.

I smile because I remember that barbecue. That was the night it almost ended with me pushing him in the lake, but didn’t at the last second because Mom needed me to do something. And we did talk a little.

I lean back in the bed, closing the journal on my fingers, because I realized that we talked. We actually talked about shit, but I don’t remember what. But it was…nothing serious. What the hell did we talk about?

Something twists in me, and I reopen the journal. It’s dated days later and it doesn’t sit right with me.

Evan got me to go to Brandon’s party. He didn’t talk to me when we got there. He went with his friends, and I went with my people.

Caleb showed up. He was drunk and badmouthing Mrs. Johannes. Sometimes when he looks at me the wrong way, he looks like Princess.

I leave early.

I swallow.

Apparently, he thinks more about me than I thought.

I skip ahead. And it’s just a lot of him complaining about someone at school, Caleb, Evan, someone named Murphy, and then thinking back to something from over the summer with me.

I put the journal back under the mattress. I hear the front door open.

I don’t feel okay with reading it anymore.