Alexandra

I stepped out of the university gate and saw the same black Sedan parked in front which Lucas drove before. It reminded me of what happened two days ago.

“You never told me a piece of your life, Alexandra. Now you want to take another piece of mine?”

Before I could step out from the university gate, I got myself into deep thoughts. Giovanni’s thought-provoking words stayed inside my head. Should I tell him the truth about who I was?

Since I agreed to date him for seven days, and today’s the second day, I thought I should reveal it to him. He deserved to know.

“Who was the old man you’re fighting with, Alexandra?”

Should I tell him that the old man he saw was my stepfather? The man who raised me to become the infamous Belladonna, a murderer. Should I tell that I am no ordinary woman but a professional assassin?

My chest tightened. My mind sank, drowning myself in these things. Since Giovanni provoked me to reveal a piece of me, I started slacking off from school. No matter how much I tried to concentrate today, I can't. His words remained to challenge me.

Giovanni, I’m a murderer. Can I say those words to him?

Giovanni, I’m Belladonna. I am the famous assassin the government has been searching for years now.

Can I manage to reveal that to him? Could he still remain kind and caring to me if he knew?

Seeing the black car outside the gate made me expect Lucas’s presence around the university. Either for a short visit to his uncle’s office like he usually does or his brother. And argue like I saw them not too long ago.

Lucas.

“Do you think everything will change after you said on stage?”

“Though your words were sincere, do you think those people your brought anguish will be easy on you? Do you think you got everyone’s sympathy?”

“Do you think it’s that easy to earn a second chance after a grievous mistake?”

His words remained in my head for days as Giovanni’s words taunting me. The brothers. How could they say those words to me? Harsh experiences they have in the past. Those words… why do they strike me like this?

The door opened. Someone hopped off of the car and leaned against the door at the passenger's seat. Curious, I crossed the street to have a look at the person. It wasn’t Lucas at all. I saw another man leaning against the car facing in opposite direction with his hands in his pockets.

Speaking of which, it was Giovanni.

“Giovanni?” I squeaked as my eyebrows furrowed, wondering what he’s up to. He looked at me with that intense gaze before he beckoned to enter the car without a word.

My quick wits made me understood him and opened the car, seating at the passenger seat. He sat at the driver's seat and turned his head to check my seat belt. He starts the engine and drives off without uttering a word.

An hour drive took me to a place I never thought existed. It was in the same town but outside the business district. Near the rural area—a boundary towards the next side of town.

It appeared an eerie forest. The stronger tree strangled the weaker one with its branches. Their massive veins shaped like blood vessels. Their long swaying branches almost reached the damp grassy ground. Dried leaves scattered dried leaves and damp smell covered my nostrils.

At the end of the dense forest, there was a wooden pathway. It looked like a traditional Japanese bridge—made of hardwood.

The sunset, creating a terror instead of romantic feeling. I walked closer to Giovanni, who remained silent since we left school.

While I stood behind him, I was cautious not to stand too close to this alpha male at the same time. Or else, he’ll take advantage of the situation and act beyond his boundaries. We may be dating under weird circumstances, but that doesn’t allow him to do what he wants to do. As his temporary girlfriend.

Uttering a word to defy my terror was tempting. I wanted to break the uncomfortable atmosphere since Giovanni hasn’t spoken a single thing to me. Though I assumed he was aware he’s dating me.

If dating is saying yes to his stupid idea, I guessed that’s how it is. It doesn’t matter if the other person felt uneasy as long as he achieved his plans. He doesn’t care. He’s always been a cold-hearted, conceited, and arrogant man.

We continued walking beneath the pitch black surroundings. Since I wasn't prepared for the trip, I wasn’t able to bring a flashlight to aid my sight. Yet he walked too fast. I didn't have time to unzip my bag and search for my device. I have no choice but strode great lengths to cope his distance.

Minutes later, a light shone at the horizon. The branches and leaves from the big trees gathered around a massive circle. The super moon in such an immense size revealed in my eyes.

Feelings of horror faded, as my feet moved forward to the enchanting hidden place. I was in awe, seeing untouched nature. The sea waves slammed itself with the power it possessed to the big rocks under the cliff where we stood. It was over sunset.

The whole view blanketed with red, orange, and royal blue mixed, creating the marble effect. The sounds of waves brought a gust of wind. They touched my skin, making me relaxed than before.

There was no one but the two of us standing near the edge of the cliff. I shut my eyes and took a deep breath in reaching my lungs and released with a loud sigh. The scent of the sea made me forget the distress I’ve been through over the course of time. “Why did you bring me here?”

Although the sounds of nature were louder than mine, I assumed it was audible enough for him to hear me. Yet, he remained silent and looked in the distant enjoying the view himself the same way I did a while ago.

My hair kept dancing with the wind, almost slamming my face countless times. While waiting for his response, my hand kept pressing my head back to my ears fixing my hair in place. But my short hair kept rebelling and moved forward instead.

Before I fixed my sight at the horizon, I saw the sun sets, Giovanni grabbed my hand pulling me close to him. My face slammed through his chest as he hugged me tight. With our height difference, it was perfect for him to press his face on my shoulders. Without a word, his hands remained pressed against my back even with my slight protest.

“Why? What’s going on?” My voice sounded more like a murmur because my lips pressed through his shirt. Though I tried denying it, I missed his feminine scent the last time I was this close with him.

Minutes later, he released me from his grip with his brown eyes fixed at me. It felt uneasy yet his sincerity made me do the same and built an intimate eye contact. There was something from his face that kept telling me the words he couldn’t utter. The words he wanted me to hear.

For whatever reason he has deep within, he chose to remain silent but his face said otherwise. I wanted to know, Giovanni. Please, tell me the exact words you wanted to say.

“Why?” I cleared my throat hearing my hoarse voice.

“I’m thankful for spending your first day with me, Alexandra. I never thought I could spend seven days with you and today’s the second day.”

I sighed with a smile but I hid it when I turned away facing the sea. I wasn’t sure if my whole face turned red when he said it. I hoped not. “Whatever,” I said out of embarrassment.

He laughed. “I still couldn’t believe you stayed inside my house. Only the two of us in that room. The moment you said yes to my offer, you don’t know how much you made me happy, Alexandra.”

I felt startled and turned my head facing him, instinctively. A sudden pain in my heart ached inside me as if there was something I should do to ease me. Was this the right time I tell him about me? I thought.

“Giovanni,” I paused and took a breath in without releasing a sigh. It was a breath of war. My eyebrows knitted together and my body was in turmoil, trying to escape the situation. With his attention on me, I felt cold sweat covering my entire body. I trembled.

I clenched my fists preparing myself for the reveal. “You told me about escaping and facing the cause of the problem.” I paused and he nodded in response. “T-those words… remained in my head.”

Although I stammered, I tried my best to be as calm as possible to say the words. This is the only opportunity you’ve got, Alexandra.

“What about it?”

What about it?

I wanted to tell you how difficult it is to face the problem. And escaping has been my favorite hobby to keep myself safe from threats. Including my stepfather. I felt so scared to face the problem in front of the victims I murdered.

I wanted to admit the fear I felt whenever I stand in front of the victims I murdered. I felt terrified whenever I thought of facing the charges the authorities have against me. No words could describe how my gut twisted when that time comes. The time to suffer the outcomes of my actions.

“You wanted me to tell a piece of me, right?” My throat seemed to be more constricted that it was before. I could hardly swallow the air I breathe, which was refreshing. The view looked romantic and the cool wind relaxing me. But, with the terror I felt right now, I saw nothing but darkness.

Fear.

No, it’s something beyond it.

If there’s more terrifying word, it would be a perfect description; better than fear.

Fear of losing you?

He didn’t respond and fixed his eyes at me instead. I gulped and faced down, feeling the throbbing of my chest became louder and faster. I was in an invisible race in front of this man. The only man who managed to open my soul.

He held my hand and squeezed it tight enough to give me a sense of encouragement to reveal my untold story. I gulped feeling my tears gathered around my ducts. I blinked trying to stop them from falling down my cheeks.

You’re getting there, Alexandra. Hang on. You can do this.

At that time, I couldn’t get hold myself and tears fell down through my face. I sniffed, wiped my nose with my sleeve. “This is crazy.” The only words I managed to utter amidst the chaos in my head. I laughed to give a sense of a break. Giovanni remained in silence, in all ears to each word I uttered.

“All my life, everything rooted from anger. My mom, my dad left me to a man who introduced me to a path I shouldn’t have taken. And that consumed me—” I paused and punched my chest thrice while looking at Giovanni’s eyes. Tear flowed like waterfalls in my face. “—to do something bad. Really bad."

Should I tell him now? No, I can’t. I couldn’t say the word.

I continued, “I … killed.”

There you have it. I said it. Now what?

He’d wreck the hell out of me for involving himself to a killer like me. He’d push me in the cliff and had me dead, floating in the sea. I looked straight through his eyes, as if I didn’t care what he’d do next.

I never felt so vulnerable until he wanted me to open the Pandora's box I kept hidden for a very long time. Embarrassment and guilt encapsulated my mind and trembling became more noticeable.

I pressed my lips before I continued. “I killed the man who provoked my father to take his life. I killed many people, Giovanni.” His hand squeezed my hand tighter than before.

My body trembled much more I couldn’t breathe. It felt as if someone squeezed my lungs too tight. My throat constricted. Somehow preventing the words to come out from my mouth. “I’m…I’m… a murderer, Giovanni. I-I’ve killed a countless number of people with that hand you’re holding now.”

I stammered and coldness wrapped around me, thinking he’d lose my hand and leave me alone like my parents’ did.

When I finally unveiled my story, I felt too ashamed to look into his eyes. I faced down and sobbed as soft as I could though I wanted to scream my lungs out. My legs lost its strength and startled to wobble like soggy noodles, forcing me to fall on the ground in bent knees.

My hands covered my face as I screamed the words. “I’m a murderer, Giovanni. I am. I’m too afraid to tell you about this. I swear to God, I repented this so much.”

His next gesture had me caught off-guard. He knelt down and pulled me closer to him, hugging me like he did before. “You finally became honest with me and with yourself.”

My endless cry… My repeated screams of agony kept inside my heart. It was my ultimatum. It was the kind of freedom I craved. It was the wall I built to protect myself.

Right then, Giovanni took the gut destroying it to free myself from this inner prison I made. “I’m so sorry for keeping this secret from you. I couldn’t hold it any longer. I suffered too much from my crimes I’ve committed. Giovanni, I don’t deserve your kindness.” This time my speech slurred but loud. I couldn’t find the words to describe how relieved I felt.

“But everyone deserves forgiveness, Alexandra,” he whispered through my ears. It was a psychological release of my past I felt too ashamed and too guilty to reveal to someone. To someone like Giovanni, who turned out to be my savior, opened my eyes to the new side of life.

A path I was afraid to confront and to show my vulnerability at least once. Now. Thank you, Giovanni. Thank you for everything you did. No words can express it.