The Hell Hole is relatively nice, despite its name. It’s a sizable establishment full of high top tables, booths, and a very long bar. The place was packed full of humans and demons all drinking and having a great time. Near the back corner was a small stage with a karaoke set up and three blond girls drunkenly singing Girls Just Wanna Have Fun.

Sitting at one of the high tops, with mugs of beer so large they’d make a pirate blush, are Greg, Andy, and Lucifer. Andy is showing Greg his phone to try and receive validation in how he read Becky’s texts. “It’s like fifty-fifty, man. Yeah, it’s suggestive but Lucifer is right. It could just be normal ditzy girl talk.” Greg was of no help. Nor was the woman belting Sweet Home Alabama.

“Really? God, why are even demon women confusing?” Andy sets his phone down and groans loudly. “We really shouldn’t have come on karaoke night.” Andy turned around and scowled at the stage. “I wanna break that machine and pour beer into the speakers.”

Lucifer tilts his head and looks at Andy. “Isn’t that a bit extreme, bud?” He takes a sip of his beer.

Andy turns his scorn at his boss. “It’s not extreme enough.”

Greg holds up his mug as a gesture towards the table. “Andy is right. It’s actually really obnoxious.” A man was just hitting the high note of Take On Me to emphasize Greg’s sentiment. Lucifer flinches at the amplified screech and Greg points at him. “Point made.”

Andy shuts his eyes and rubs his temples. “Aren’t you supposed to know everything that’s happening everywhere?” He slumps his shoulders and squints at Lucifer with a plea.

“Well…” Lucifer waves his head from left to right. “Yes, technically.” He places his mug down to throw his hands about. “But that doesn’t mean I’m thinking about everything all the time! If one of you had said ‘what’s going on at the Hell Hole tonight?’ I would’ve remembered that it was karaoke night and I would’ve said something about it!”

Greg and Andy raised their eyebrows and stared down their noses at their beers - well, Greg didn’t have a nose but the gesture was the same. Lucifer looks past Andy and grows a coy grin. “Hey Greg, I think those girls are talking about you.” He raises his glass just enough to act as a subtle gesture towards the table beside them.

Andy watches Greg as he sits up in his seat. No one would be able to tell but Greg was checking the ladies out from the corners of his many eyes. One was a cockroach in a dress and the other was more human but had three eyes and two mouths. They were whispering to each other with their eyes glued to the large flyman “Hmm… Do you think they’re talking about me? Or do you know?”

Lucifer purses his lips and raises an eyebrow. “Greg, you know I don’t use my knowledge for things like that.”

“Wait! What do they look like?” Andy is snapping back and forth between the two men. “If we’re gonna start being friends I gotta be ready to act as your wingman.” Andy is getting drunk.

Greg shrugs his four shoulders and shakes his head a near imperceptible amount. “Just turn around and look for yourself.”

Andy firmly plants his elbow on the table and points his hand at his insectoid companion. “I can’t just turn around and look at them! That’s too obvious!”

“I don’t know what to tell you then!” Greg throws up his arms in loss. Lucifer chuckles at the two men’s playful bickering.

“Here.” Andy points his index fingers towards the ceiling and wags his wrists in creativity. “I’m gonna go to the bathroom and I’ll be able to catch a glimpse of them on my way back.” Andy springs out of his chair before either of his drinking buddies can say anything.

Lucifer and Greg stare at each other in a dismissive confusion.

A minute later Andy takes his seat once again and nods too much. “Yeah, I can see it. Which one were you thinking?”

Greg would squint if he could. “I wasn’t thinking about either of ‘em.”

Andy’s jaw drops. “What?! They think you’re cute!” Andy leans in towards Greg and lowers his voice. “Think about what that girl could do with two mouths, Greg. Think about it.” Andy leans back with wide eyes and a stupid grin.

Lucifer looks up to the ceiling trying to figure out what Andy could mean. “Sing harmonies with herself?” Andy and Greg stare at their confused compatriot.

“Hold on!” Andy slams the table. Andy was now drunk. “Lucifer! You said you know everything! So you do know if Becky is interested in me!”

Lucifer averts his eyes and flaps his lips - exasperated. “I mean… I could know, yes. But I don’t like to invade people’s privacy like that!” Andy drops his head into his hands and grumbles to himself. “I’m sorry, Andy. You should take some time to get settled in before you start looking for a relationship.”

Andy waves him off. “Whatever. You’re the CEO of Hell! How do you not have even one evil bone in your body?”

Lucifer straightens up and puts on a confident face. “Hey now, I’m not all goody two shoes. Sometimes…” he pauses to look around and make sure no one is listening too carefully, “I don’t tell an employee when I use the last of the toilet paper in a public bathroom.”

Andy sighs and chugs the last of his beer. “Do you two want another round? It’s on me.”

Lucifer takes offense to this and starts shaking his head in an exaggerated figure eight. “No no no! I’m paying! I couldn’t let you pay for drinks on your first night here.”

“That’s exactly why I have to pay! I’m not gonna get wasted on my boss’s dime. If I want another drink I’m gonna pay for it!” Andy starts to stand up from his stool.

“Andy, it’s my pleasure to pay for you! We’re friends! I don’t even want you to try it!” Lucifer reaches into his back pocket and starts to pull out his wallet.

“Stop what you-”

Greg holds up a hand to cut Andy off. “He’s trying to be polite and not say you literally can’t pay for it. You don’t have money yet. You just died.” 

The information bounces around Andy’s intoxicated brain for a while before it finally sinks in. “Oh. Yeah.” He slowly sits back down and grabs his empty glass’ handle.

Lucifer smiles and pulls out a set of odd looking bills. “Don’t worry about it! How about we make up for it with some shots?” He had an excited look that indicated that he wasn’t thinking of the fact that he was incapable of being intoxicated and the other two were already well on their way towards being wasted.

Of course, the two men were all for more alcohol and said yes. As Lucifer made his way towards the bar, Andy turned to Greg. “So, what’re we gonna do about those girls?”

Greg throws his head back. “We’re not gonna do anything about them!”

“Why not?! They want you, man! Just talk to them!” Andy patted his coworker on the back, careful not to hit the thin wings protruding from his suit.

“I don’t want to! I’m…” Greg struggles to get the words out, “nervous about it. I haven’t dated anyone in a long time, let alone flirted with them.”

“Greg… Bro, you’ve got this! You’re really handsome… I think. I have no clue what constitutes a good looking fly.”

“You really should’ve gone through sensitivity training.”
“Yes. Yes I should’ve. But are you going to let my ignorance stand between you and two maybe attractive demon women? Again. I seriously don’t know if they’re considered hot.” Andy’s message was sincere if not a bit too honest and confused. “Wait until Lucifer gets back with the shots. Pound it down. Go talk to them!”

Greg was tempted to do it just to get Andy to stop. Sadly for him, Lucifer had just returned with said shots. With too much alcohol in him to keep from stopping, Greg snatches the shot, throws it back, slams the small glass and says “I’ll be right back.”

Andy’s smile is massive as he nods in confidence to Lucifer. “Look at him! He’s doing it!”

Lucifer’s smile is more innocent but just as proud. “Good for him! Let’s drink these to celebrate.” He passes one of the shots to Andy and the two tap their glasses together and throw back the liquor.

Several minutes go by before Greg finally returns to the table. “Well? How’d it go?” Andy looks like a ten year old waiting to open his birthday presents.

Greg can’t hide his smile. “I have a date this weekend!” The other two burst in excitement with a rowdy ‘Hey!’

Lucifer slides a beer over to the evening’s new reason to celebrate. “Congratulations man! Which one is it?”

“It’s the girl with the nice antenna.” Greg gestures over to the two girls, giving Andy an excuse to turn around and get a good look at the two. He nods and waves at the two with a grin and turns back.

“Nice.” He tries his best to hide his disturbance at seeing a giant cockroach with makeup on.

Greg swallows some beer. “You know the other girl was interested in you, my humie friend.”

“Eh, I’ll pass.” Andy was trying not to be too offensive.

Greg starts losing it. “Ten minutes ago you were ready to dive headlong into Becky’s pants. Come on, Andy,” he leans in and slaps his shoulder and leans in to speak sensually with a sly grin, “just think about what she could do with those two mouths.”

Andy presses his lips together and runs his tongue along the inside of his upper lip, trying not to smile too much. “I think I should take some time to get settled in before I start looking for a relationship.” The two burst out in hysterics. 

Lucifer simply smiles into his mug and chuckles to himself.

An hour later, the three men were on stage drunkenly singing Don’t Stop Me Now. Well, in reality, Andy and Greg were singing it drunkenly, Lucifer was just doing it for fun.

Andy and Greg stumbled out of the Hell Hole singing Piano Man with Lucifer close behind them, cracking up at the two men. “You two better get home. We’ve all got work tomorrow. You’ve got a lot to do, Andy.”

The two inebriated men grumble at their boss’s reminder. They part ways and Lucifer goes with Andy to ensure he gets back to his apartment safely. Andy opens the door and wastes no time in collapsing on the couch and passing out.

When he wakes up, it’s dark outside and his body feels wrong. He rolls off the couch and shambles to the bedroom. Before his brain shuts off again, he has one last thought: the bed really was super soft.