A week has past since that alien signal and over half of the repairs on the ship have been done. We fix all of the hual on the outside of the ship with Matthew leading the project. Everything was going as plan and on time. But I was still tense and ready for anything to happen. Miles still hasn’t woken up yet and so I was still giving out orders and my anxiety was eating away at me. If I stopped moving I would lost myself and I couldn’t let that happen. I left the bridge and went into the captain’s office. I went over the station statues when Ave walked in. “hey June how are you feeling?” she asks me. I looked at her and I knew she saw right thought my act. She saw me once break down back on earth and I feel my anxiety bubbling to the surface with her standing there. It needed to be release, but I held on. I held on and she just watch me with caring eyes.

I finally broke and let her in. I stood up and the chair feel backwards, and I flips the table and yelled. I turned around and started punching the wall until I saw red and Ave stopping me. She pulled me into her arms and i yelled at her to let me go but she didn’t. I was losing the fight at staying in control of myself. “June its alright,” was all she said, and I yelled out again. I knew my hand was bleeding but I couldn’t feel it. I couldn’t feel anything, but my body stopped moving and reacting to my anxiety. My body went numb and I fell to the floor. My back was against Ave and she didn’t say anything. She just sat there with me and I let my mind run wild with thoughts as I let my anxiety turn into something else. Into doubt and fear and loneliness. The darkness consumes me. I was lost to it.

I don’t know how long I’ve been out of it but by the time I snapped out of it was I on the floor with something warm pressing against me. I turn my head to see that it was Ave asleep holding onto my arm. I twitch in pain and look down to see my hands were bandage up and slightly red. I sat up and saw the office was a mess. This was my doing. My anxiety turned into anger and I couldn’t control it any longer when she walked in. the last time something like this happen to me was when she died. When she died I lost my mind and went crazy for two weeks. During that time, I wasn’t myself. I was someone completely different. I left my house for two weeks. I was sleeping in the streets and starting fights, running from police. I never touch drugs while I was out there, but I did hide some for some people. I did a lot of thing I wasn’t proud of when she was taken from me, but I also knew she wasn’t proud of me as well. So after my two weeks of letting my emotions get the best of me I went back home, and I got help. At the time I was only seventeen and I scare the crap out of my brothers and parents, but they also understood why I did what I did. But I wasn’t going to let that behavior control me.

After a year went by life was moving forward and I knew I had to move forward with it to. Going to college and started my life anew was strange and weird. I knew in my heart I was never going to love someone like I loved her ever again. I let these thoughts in and calm myself down.

I move away from Ave and start cleaning the office. I pick up the desk and chair and just throw all the paperwork on it. I wasn’t in the best mood or right state of mind to focus on work. I needed a break, I knew I couldn’t take a day to myself, but I could take an hour or two. I wasn’t going to let Ave stay on the floor, so I pick her up and put her on the bed that was in the office. The office double as the captain room as well. I moved from her to the far corner and just sat down on the couch and let the softness of it take me. I needed sleep and to change the dressing on my hands. None of that matter to me right now. I soon feel asleep.

I was suddenly brought from sleep into a shouting match between Ave and Paul. I groan and rob the sleep away from my eyes. It hurt a bite, but I did it anyway. I got up and walked towards the two to see what was going on. “Listen Paul, June needs her rest, she has been at it for a week straight as her doctor I am telling you to back off and let her rest,” shouted Ave “Pff like I care what she needs, no rest for those in charge maybe she needs to be replaced,” he said smiling. I rolled my eyes and stepped between the two. “Thank you, Ave, for caring for me, and yes she is my doctor and as head doctor of this crew so what she says go, and Paul if you try anything to upset the balance of this vessel I will throw you in the brig,” I told him with a stern voice. He just stuck his teeth and walked out of my office. I sigh and let my shoulders relax. If it wasn’t for the fact that the ship was in repair and people dead, I would have done more then just put him below deck if he ever questions my authority again.

I close my eyes and just thought about everything that has happened so far. It was smooth sailing the first two month of our trip to Mars but in the last week it was hell. It was a nightmare come true and I was in charge of it. I know that I am only human but sometimes I need to be something more in order to keep everyone alive. I knew Ave was still here with me thinking of my wellbeing, but I couldn’t take more of a break then I just did. I lost four hours to rest when I could have been helping get the ship back in running order. I felt a hand on my shoulder and I turn to see a concern Ave and I knew what she wanted of me. She needed me to slow down and I knew I had to if I wanted to stay sane. But it was hard for me with so much on my plate. “I know what your thinking but June please just take the rest of the day to sleep, eat and shower then tomorrow you can tackle this fully charge,” she said to me and I agree. Even if every part of me didn’t want to rest I know I was going to burn out if I continue like this. So far her and the rest of my crew I took a break.

Taking a break was weird for me as acting captain. The first thing I did was shower and examines my hands. I put on a new uniform feeling fresh and fix the paperwork that was on my desk. I went over the supplies and lives we lost and sent the list to HQ, so they can prepare something for the families. I was writing to my family to let them know how I was and telling them everything that was going one and how it was hard to keep it together. I know my brothers would tell me its okay to rest so I can fight again but a part of me didn’t want to rest. My father would just tell me to take a nap and my mother would say to eat my favorite pie and pig out. I laugh at the thought of them and wish they were here with me for only a moment.

Then I thought about her. I thought how she would physically force me to sleep and eat when I didn’t know what to stop. Or how she would cling to me in order to slow me down. I laugh to myself and felt my heart beat for her. My laugher turned in a sob. I missed her so much and here I was among the stars where she wanted to be the most.im here for her I remind myself. I here so she can live among the stars forever.

I wipe away my tears and left my room to grab some food. I was going to have some green slim that taste really good and some brown stuff that was supposed to be sweet potato pie later and rest. Making my way to the food dispensers I run into Ling-yu and she give me a report on the signal and HQ. I thank her and told her to send me everything to my tablet. Then Matthew came to me and told me about the repairs and how it wouldn’t be long before we are running at full capacity soon. The twins came next and just told me everything was good, and people were alive. Paul glare at me and I glare right back. Soon Ave find me and ask me how I was feeling. I told her I was feeling better and after I finish eating I was going to take a nap, she smiles at this and left me to eat.

Tomorrow was going to be a better day and I was going to keep my crew alive.