So stunned. So frightened. So disturbed.
She couldn't get the look on his pale face out of her head. The way his eyes glazed over as his stare became vacant. The way he stumbled out of the hall. It was obvious he'd been shaken to the core. His spirit had left his body, and all that was left in it's wake was a man filled with terror and doubt.
The man she'd seen today was a far cry from the Prince she saw in her Vision.
He was confident. Bold. Immovable. Compassionate. Merciful. Strength of both his character and action.
It all showed in a frozen slice of time on the battle field. When the tired figures of both his comrades and his enemies knelt before him. Blood stains on his armor. Dried crimson left behind on his face from the eye slits of his discarded helmet. Axes abandoned at his feet. Steady hand reached out in an offering of mercy and compromise to the blurry figure of his defeated foe.
It showed in the way he carried himself during Peace time. Series of sequential moments flashing one after the other. Patience with councilmen. Stern decisions in deliberations. Gentleness with constituents during celebratory affairs. Advocate for the weak and the helpless. Protector of all that was sacred and honorable.
She shifted on the couch. Tucked her legs under her. Swirling her tea, she watched the dim lamp light dance across it's surface. Near invisible steam reached it's tendrils into the air.
How could one so young do something so extraordinary?
It was such a massive weight to bare. To know one was the savior from something so bleak. He would be center of a world hanging their hopes on him. He was now a pillar holding up expectations that weren't to be fulfilled for who knew how long. She couldn't imagine the emotions he was feeling at this moment. She could barely get a handle on hers.
That vision had placed another layer of insecurity over her shoulders.
The vision from the Welcome Banquet had settled it. There had been rings on their fingers. They were wed. With that solidifying fact, she knew they were destined for each other. It pressed upon her the responsibilities she was to fulfill. She would be supporting him. Comforting him. Shielding him from crushing demands. Carrying the world for him when he needed rest. A guide for his thoughts. Sounding board for his doubts. Confidante in his weakest and strongest moments. Loving no matter the circumstances. Faithful through trials.
Would she even be strong enough to do what needed to be done? Could she be what he'd need her to be? Would she be able to be a solid foundation he could stand on to face the world?
She'd lived independently for so long, she wasn't sure if she'd be able to bend and transform the rituals and habits of her life. It would be a challenge to learn how to care for someone other than herself. She was going to have to create a space in her daily living that would put him above all else. For the rest of her days, she would have to practice selflessness.
Thoughtfully she gently blew a breath across her tea.
It was all so overwhelming. In a matter of two days the world she'd known for so long had been flipped. She couldn't make heads or tails of it. Couldn't make sense of the strong emotions that the visions were pulling from her heart and branding them across it.
Underneath all the surface emotions ran one of deep warmth.
She surprised herself when a smile was pressed into the rim of the tea cup. The second vision he'd given her spread across her mind just like the tea in her tongue. She recalled the happiness she felt. How wonderful it was. Remembered the look in his eyes. As if she was the only being in the world that mattered to him in that moment. The feeling brought warmth to her heart just like the tea did her stomach. Curiosity tickled her with context.
Had that been their honeymoon retreat?
A strong tap broke her thoughts. She frowned. Gledora had retired several hours ago. Setting her tea down, she analyzed the door.
Who would be requesting an audience at this hour? What was so urgent that it couldn't wait until morning?
She got up and walked across the room. Apprehension filled her as she straightened her nightgown around her shoulders. There were a myriad of beings who could be on the other side. She was already so tired from the vision this afternoon. She didn't want to expend anymore energy. All she wanted was introverted peace.
Another tap, much bolder this time, made her flinch. Feeling the welcome rug under her feet, she glanced at the door knob. Hesitation for a moment. She knew the light from her lamp gave her away. Who ever was knocking knew she was awake. Convincing herself that it would be rude not to answer, she opened the door.
His pale face was bordering on the edge of perplexion and desperation. Brows kept wavering under intensely analyzing eyes. The look froze her to the spot. He was the last being she was expecting. Her mind fumbled. She couldn't find her voice. He shifted his weight.
“Good evening, Elder Willowheart.” His tone wasn't as comforting as it'd been before.
She didn't have time to respond or react. His hand had already swiftly taken hers. It was too late to pull it away. All she could think was to pray vision wouldn't occur for a third time as his lips brushed her knuckles.
Cold battled by warmth.
Solid arms embracing her like she'd float away. They kept the chilly bay breeze away. Emerald eyes looked tired but immensely happy. Full beard scratching her palms as she held his face. The high collar of his military jacket was unbuttoned. She felt a stream of joyful tears falling down her cheeks. Their wet trails cooled by the breeze.
Dense emotions crushed her heart. She was relieved, exhilarated, joyful, enamored. She was distinctly aware that he had returned to her. Returned from something harrowing and dangerous. What it was, she could already guess.
That analyzing look from their first encounter returned her to the present. But this time she could see it had an undertone of determined desperation. The same dizziness created by such vivid emotions took hold as he released as her hand and cleared his throat.
“If you are willing, I would like to speak with you.” He said, his voice low.
Heart skipped. Her muscles felt disjointed as she automatically stepped aside. Disorientation started to clear as she pointed to the couch.
“Of course,” she stuttered, “please come in.”
He nodded and quickly passed the threshold. His long strides had him at the couch. She found it difficult to keep up. When he paused, she gestured for him to sit. He slowly did. She joined him, but on the cushion of the opposite end. Her fingers tangled into her robes to ease her sudden anxiety. With a shift, he faced her. His elbows sat on his knees as his fingers clasped together. He directly looked at her and took a breath.
“I will be frank with you. Every time we exchange formalities, I see a strange flash of light in your eyes.”
Tingling went up her throat. Her breath stilled.
“I saw the same thing happen today in the main hall. You're having visions when this happens, correct?” He continued.
Her heart beat quickened with skipped beats. No being had ever described something like that to her. Only she'd seen it. Seen it in countless mirrors before images danced across her brain. An invisible signal only known to her. His observation was unique and singular. Her mind expanded into denial and wonder.
How was he the only one?
“Yes...” She weakly responded.
“The future you predicted for me has…,” He heaved out a long sigh, “has me in need of some clarification. If you're having more visions of me, I respectfully ask that you divulge them. At this point I need any form of information I can obtain.”
Jaw got tight.
How was she supposed to explain this?
Grinding her teeth she battled with her mind.
“Please…I am at your mercy.” He quietly begged.
The look in his eyes was so unguarded. Full of desperate submission. She knew if she denied him, it would cause more torment in his mind. He was already suffering enough. She couldn't bare that kind of guilt.
A long exhale as she gathered her thoughts.
“Before I tell you, I must emphasize that the visions I have seen do not solely involve you.” She slowly said.
His eyes widened.
“Who else do you see? My family? Friends?” His voice was anxious.
She shook her head.
“No.”
He frowned.
“Then I don't quite understand.”
“I do not quite understand myself.”
A pause in the air as he looked her over.
“So…the visions aren't clear?” He sounded disheartened.
“No,” Her heart shivered in apprehension,“In these visions, we are lovers.”
He blinked, then flinched. Slowly his face became a distorted mess of confusion and disbelief. The same emotions she'd been feeling since the moment the first vision he'd activated blew across her mind. Muscles began flexing in his jaw as his eyes broke their stare to glide across the room. His hands were fidgeting. Heavy silence was making the air she breathed sting at her lungs. It was almost painful.
“Have I taken you as my bride?” His voice finally croaked.
“It appears to be so.” She nearly whispered.
Another pause.
“The vision, you had just now, at the door. What was it?”
She wet her tongue. It was best to leave it as vague as possible.
“I was welcoming you home from war.”
A frown took over the side of his face she could see.
“The one before that?”
“We are at the market in Thelmnaes.”
“And the first?”
Throat choked up. It felt like she was inhaling through a small pipe.
“It was…an intimate vision.” She whispered.
He shifted as his hands finally stilled. His gaze moved to the floor.
“I have you warm my bed?” His tone was wavering.
Her heart skipped. She hadn't expected him to be so forward.
“Yes.” She breathed.
She watched his shoulders rise and fall with a long breath. His eyes searched the floor.
“These are the only things you see? Visions of us? Nothing else?”
“Nothing else.”
He slowly nodded. Then he stood. Facing her, he bowed low.
“Thank you, Elder Willowheart. I apologize for disturbing you,” He said, his voice still uneven, “I will take my leave.”
That left her frozen. It was so abrupt. At a loss of what to do or say, she watched him stride to the door. Only when it clicked shut did she shiver.
A strange new feeling of distress fell over her. Something she hadn't felt before. Something she didn't understand. It was as if this something was broken in her chest. The odd sensation was now traveling down to her stomach. She felt sick. Absent mindedly she rubbed her fingers up and down her sternum to attempt to ease it. With the growing disturbance in her gut, her mind raced in no particular direction. Logic was telling her to seek Gledora's council. Emotion was asking her crawl into bed and cry. Everything felt like a jumbled mess.
In the end, emotions won. Letting the tears fall, she disrobed and slipped into bed. Curling up under the heavy blankets, she pretended they were a comforting hug. She kept blinking to keep the vision of the moonlight dusted landscape out of the window clear.
She couldn't remember the last time she'd cried. Let alone felt this disoriented.
All because of a man.